DECISIONS, INDECISIONS, TIME ALONE

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Old habits are hard to change. Even though I value time and am so often time crunched, I still waste so much of it in indecision. Because of the discomfort of the malady I procrastinate starting by scrolling through FB and the Internet, checking this and that for no good reason. I should have gone to my exercise class. It would be almost over by now. It would be time better spent. But I didn’t go. No use regretting. It’s neither a wrong or right. Just a better decision. No point in regretting.

I am here again before my keyboard with time alone. It is a good time. I will sit quietly and savour it, feel each moment as they come. I have just lately learned how to sit and pay attention to my feelings. When I feel irked, I ask myself why and at whom. Is it with myself or someone else? When I have identified the thought/feeling, I ask myself how I would feel if I didn’t have it. Most times I am able to let go of them and avert punishing myself. My emotions cleared and I am able to look and feel objectively, looking at every side. It’s self talking in my head. It’s taking me this long to see. I am a slow learner.

The sun has come out and I am happy to be here to witness it. I see my hanging mandevillas and the petunias on the deck swaying in the morning breeze. I look out another window and I see the kids and their caretakers from the daycare walking down the back alley. Happy sights. It’s a good enough reason to stay home.