Empty Nesting

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I am sitting and feeling heavy as a pregnant elephant again. The smoke is gone and the sun is finally out. I am guilty again of scrolling through FB and getting hooked on 2 sad stories. One was the 9 year old girl thought to have been killed by her father. The other story was was about a man who got sucked into a MRI machine and died as a consequence. These news stories added no value to my life. They made me feel worse than I already did. Yet I gave them my valuable time and energy. Curiosity and human nature can be our own worse enemies.

On a cheerier note, I’ve just watched a baby robin on the deck railing. It landed there with its mother. The mother flew off, leaving baby all by itself. It took a few tentative steps, assessing the situation for quite awhile. I could see that it wants to do something but was afraid. Its body language was crying: Mom, where are you? I am scared! I was getting impatient waiting for it to make a move. Mother Robin was sitting on the telephone wire watching also.

After what seemed like an eternity to me, it hopped down the railing, hesitated, then took a small flight and landed on the barbecue. More confident, it flew back onto the railing. After a little look around, it took off in flight before I could sneak up and take a photo. The nest is empty now except for one lonely blue egg, unhatched. I wonder if it is a ‘bad’ egg. There were 5 eggs to start with. We found one egg on the ground earlier in the season. It must have been too crowded and it got booted out. After a few days the egg disappeared. Food for a predator?

The nest is well hidden among the grapes by the sunroom. The grapes have hosted a nest every year. With practice I am able to peer through the venetian blinds and spy on them. This year, I counted 3 beaks reaching for food. Now they’re gone. The nest is empty except for one lonely unhatched egg. Will mom and pop come back and fill it again this year?

CRAVINGS, SPACES, LOVES

It’s Saturday morning. Cloudy and breezy upon wakening. I had toast with cherry jam. Thought I would treat myself royally today. Sheba is not the only queen in the house. I can sit here forever with my tea, my book and my thoughts. Sometimes it’s not so good to stay in my head long. It is full of paranoia and false stories. The sun is out. I must not tarry. I shall gather the forementioned queen. we can saunter down to our community garden and see how it is doing. Perhaps I can gather some greens for lunch. Be back in awhile.

I’m back. It’s more than awhile. It’s noon. I’ll try not to think of time slipping away but time well spent and enjoyed. It was. I killed several birds with one stone. Sheba and I had a mindful walk to the community garden. We took time to smell the flowers and chew some grass. It was quite wonderful that our footsteps and heartbeats were synchronized. We walked as one together and in rhythm. We got exercised. Home now with our harvest. Happy and pooped. For Sheba, it’s literal. I can sit now with my coffee and keyboard for awhile. Then lunch. What more could I ask for?

I know. There’s a whole world out there. There’s Folk Fest. There’s this. There’s that. I almost could feel the urge to do, to join, to be part of everything. When I had, I didn’t feel any more of. part. belonging. happier. satisfied. When I had been in the midst of it all, I was still searching. Where is it? What is it? Is this it? That’s all? Now, I tried to accept that I will get this feeling of need or craving for ‘the more, the thing that will make me happy ever after’. There’s no such thing. There’s no such place.

There is no point in trying to fill that longing space within or searching for happiness. I know it’s our human nature, this yearning for more. Instead, I will try to fill my stomach and appetite. I will get to know myself better in my life, my likes, dislikes, values, what works, what doesn’t. I will make it my adventure. It’s a continual journey. It requires me getting up, dressing up and showing up. I do every day. I love that slogan/ act. I love tap, tap, tapping on the keyboard, I love making index card art, I love, I love… What do you love?