Tag Archives: hopelessness

RESISTING THE URGE

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Marianne Williamson wrote on her blog yesterday:  It would be easy to slip into hopelessness now, to resign ourselves to the idea that the concentrated assaults on everything from the planet to our democracy have succeeded to such a degree that it’s no longer possible to stop them.

I understand those feelings and find comfort that another person is expressing them. I am not alone. However, I am resisting the urge to go down that slippery hopeless slope. I live on the same precarious planet but Donald Trump is not our leader. There is hope though I’m not feeling optimistic today. Can you, if you’ve had another sleepless night? Too much stimulation yesterday? Or too much smoke from forest fires in the air?

It is very true that I am not myself. I will be a different person after a good night’s sleep. I’m envious of Sheba sleeping so peacefully next to me as I sit and tap here. She is stinking me out though with her quiet, lethal farts. Phew! But she is sweet, so bonelessly relaxed with her floppy ears. It is soothing to have her near. She comforts me with her soft animal spirit. I am grateful for her presence.

I will try not to fret too much about my sleeplessness. I will sleep when I am ready. I am not totally incapcitated. I am half way through a book. It is an easy read. And I’ve primed two wood panels. They’re ready for a creative streak. This is a day for easy stuff, not a day for brain surgery even if I knew how. It’s not a time for serious contemplation either. I tell myself, don’t think. Just do and you’ll be fine. Yes, I’m resisting the urge to slip and slide. It’s a day for kindness towards myself.  Tomorrow I can Wonder Woman again.

WHEN GOD FARTS

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I’m in a bit of a strange space lately – not really crazy, but not quite sane.  I have a bit of a rant, some anger in me.  I can’t quite let it out.  You see, I have succeeded in calming my mind through my 8 weeks of mindful training.  I’m the driver of my emotions now.  When I feel the first heat of a burn, the system takes over.  Do you need to feel that?  A voice reverberates within me.  HISSSSS! The extinguisher douses the flames.  No heat or anger burns in my chest.  I am saved again for another day.

Yes, I am in a bit of a strange bubble.  I am happy to have Kate McNally’s #AprilMoon to write in.  If you haven’t notice already, I’m not writing chronologically.  Today is Day 10 and I’m writing on Day 6’s Prompt. I’m being soft and flexible.

Whenever thunder grumbles overhead, I think God is angry and having a big fart over his children’s shenanigans.  Is that a disrespectful thing to say?  I do have a bit of a foul mouth and have been accused of voicing what others would only think.

I think God does have a lot to fart over right now.  I might as well say it than to have slow burning lump of coal in my chest or stomach.  And we are all in it – this world of us.  I feel the despair and hopelessness when I watch or listen to the news – another unarmed black man shot in the back by the police, hundreds of aboriginal women murdered and missing. There are still so much more bad stuff out there.

It is better for me to let out this sadness and despair than to let it simmer inside.  If we all fart crocodiles tears, have some dialogue and talk about our humanity, we would at least not feel we’re all alone in our sadness and hopelessness.

Just me talking again in my bubble without my space suit.  Have a good day.