Tag Archives: heroes

MAGIC AND HEROES – Day 162-164 in a year of…

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Day 162-164, January 6, 2017 @1:36 pm

img_8921I have forgotten how hard winter and January can be. I am glad that I am not one who makes New Year’s Resolutions. I would be setting myself up for failure. I have forgotten how hard life can be even though I experience it every day. Short term memory can be a wonderful thing. So forgive my short term grumblings. One needs to ventilate and not be afraid to clear out bad vibes and energies. I am cleaning my plate, palette/canvas for a new start.

img_8923Have I told you about my new hero? The other day I was experiencing all my ‘uglies’ whilst still in bed, in the dark of the morning. I recognized this is what I feel. This is my reality on some days. It would be better for me to accept and find ways to utilize these times for my benefit instead of moaning. It would be better than being worn down by them. What a moment of synchronicity to read an article on this very thing upon rising! The article is about B.J. Miller, a doctor and a triple amputee. He surely would know what hard is after losing 3 of his limbs as a young man. But he refused to feel sorry for himself.

Miller refused, for example, to let himself believe that his life was extra difficult now, only uniquely difficult, as all lives are. He resolved to think of his suffering as simply a “variation on a theme we all deal with — to be human is really hard,” he says.

I said WOW! This is magic. It was as if you were googling for some wanted thing. Before you know it, it would show up on the sidebar on your Facebook page. I have a feeling that the Universe is my page. It can read my wants and desire. It’s true that if you want something bad enough, you will find it.

img_7885This is not to say that life is not difficult anymore. I still have all my uglies. I see them in a slightly different light. Now I think of them as gifts pointing me in difference directions and helping me realizing different horizons. I believe that it is possible to fly to the moon and play among the stars.

 

 

 

THE PROPER THING

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IMG_1422I am ambling down the road with Sheba. The air is still and cool but the sun is shining through. I’m hard pressed to find words and ideas this morning. What story do I have to tell? Where do I start? The question comes up every morning.

It is disconcerting to be pumped with creative joy one minute only to have the joy plummet the next. You see that someone has taken something of ours. So what if the door was opened. It was not an invitation to help yourself to our stuff. We just forgot to close the door.

Have you ever had things taken from you without your permission? You must not. Otherwise, you would not have taken from me. You would know the feeling of violation and disrespect. It does not matter the value- monetary or otherwise. It is the disregard for me.

Once, a coworker used my coffee mug without my permission. It was not an expensive one but I love the pattern and the feel of it. You must know what I mean – those silly attachments we have. I had set the mug and a little tin of specialty coffee in my nursing station.  The tin had my name on it.

When my coffee break time came, I could not find my mug. It might sound dramatic to say I was frantic. I didn’t know I had such attachment issues. When all search was to no avail, I had to settle for a different cup.

Half an hour later, the coworker showed up. She heard I was looking for my cup.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was yours! I was outside for a smoke and dropped it. The handle broke.”

What do you say? Are you going to get out of control over an old mug? I bit my tongue. I did the usual song and dance that it didn’t matter. It was an old mug and I have more at home. That was the proper thing, wasn’t it?

I wonder how many times I have compromised myself – always striving towards doing and saying the proper thing. I’ve done it for so long it’s second nature. It is the way I was brought up. When someone comes to your house, you greet them. When they leave, you bid them goodbye.

Proper manners and saving face are very important in Chinese culture. You do not air your dirty linen in public. Money is huge. Even if you have no social standing, people can’t look down on you if you have money. That is what my mother says and I agree. Money commands respect.

I’m like George Washington who couldn’t tell a lie. But then maybe that story is a lie. If so, I wonder where that leaves us? We’re living in a world of false histories. Even good old Abe Lincoln’s facts are suspect. He might not have been all goodness.

What does that tell us ? We’re looking up to false heroes. We’re worshiping the wrong things. There are no supermen or wonder women. As for super athletes, there are a few known women beaters and killers among them.

It’s time to stop looking outside of ourselves for heroes and guidance. It is time for me to do the proper thing and trust and honour myself. No need to cast about for directions on the proper way to be. The time has come, says the walrus, to speak of strings and many things…..

What do you speak of?

BEING OUR OWN HEROES

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Here I am, up late again.  The bread is cooling and I am savoring kale chips fresh out of the oven.  I like the bitter taste, but they are a little too crisp.  They crumble as they hit my mouth, causing me to cough and sputter.  Next time I have to take them out sooner.

I am finally feeling peaceful, my unease gone.  Sometimes I do not like the hours between sunset and midnight.  I get the heebie jeebies – a sense of dread and impending doom.  Perhaps I should not watch the evening news.  It is full of the BAD – crime, corruption, our not so stellar politicians.

Tonight it is full of the Pope.  Even he gets tire and has retired, flying off in his helicopter after riding and parading in his Popemobile.  I hope I don’t sound irreverent.  I am, after all, a Catholic.  But I can’t help but feel that we are all a bit schizophrenic as I watched the drama before me….the cheering people, so full of love for the Pope and all his men, the Pope kissing babies.  And the media capturing and reporting all this fanfare.  But what about all those abused and damaged young boys?  That is my thought when I see the Pope kissing babies.

I feel the silence among all of us.  We must not speak of such things.  They are holy men.  It’s the Vatican.  Shhhhh!  But these things come into my head and I cannot reconcile all these things.  They do not make any sense to me.  And if they do, I know I will have a problem.

It’s not that I have lost my belief or faith in God.  I have lost faith and trust in our leaders. They are human after all and make mistakes like the rest of us.  But just the same, they must do the right thing in the end.  We need not idolize them so much for we all have a hero in ourselves.  And God resides in all of us.  God is not in a building.