Tag Archives: Dr. Russell Barkley

STARTING AND STOPPING

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I’ve recently recognized myself as having ADHD when I was listening to The Current on CBC Radio. Since then I’ve been listening to many lectures by Dr. Russell Barkley,  an internationally recognized authority on attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD or ADD) in children and adults. You can find them on his website or on YouTube. Rick Green is a Canadian comedian, satirist, actor, writer, and advocate for awareness of adult ADD. He is most well-known as co-creator of The Red Green Show. His website totallyadd.com contains a wealth of information.

So what have I done since I became aware of it in myself besides gathering all this information? I’ve been proactive in putting them into use since executing is my huge problem. Starting and stopping is also difficult for me. To stop overwhelm, I break things into small parts. To make a start in this space, I tap out a word, then a sentence. Sometimes it works. When it doesn’t, I get up and make myself a cuppa to settle the aggitation in my head.

I’m especially having trouble today. Not feeling super. I have so many f***king disorders. I’m not liking this sudden change to warmer temperatures. What a thing to complain about, eh?  It’s a reality with me so I am learning to somehow thrive despite everything. I’m writing in that one inch picture frame  that Anne Lamott talks about in Bird by Bird. It’s a very good book on writing and living. She writes:

“E.L. Doctorow said once said that ‘Writing a novel is like driving a car at night. You can see only as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way.’ You don’t have to see where you’re going, you don’t have to see your destination or everything you will pass along the way. You just have to see two or three feet ahead of you. This is right up there with the best advice on writing, or life, I have ever heard.”

I agree! It is the best dang advice for me, too. On many days I can’t see the whole picture, not the whole enchilada. I have to take a small bite at a time or else I could end up in a screaming malfunction. It’s not a pretty picture. I’m getting close to that point now. But before I stop, let me tell you that I’ve taken apart my Dyson Stick vacuum and cleaned all the parts and put them back together. A few days ago I phoned the company for a replacement part that was not working. I was delighted to find that I still have 7 months left on my warranty. The call took only minutes. In the past, I would not or could not have gotten there. Progress! But I have to keep at it.

THE DIABETES IN MY BRAIN

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I feel somewhat like Humpty Dumpty after his great fall. I am broken but I think I can put myself back together again. Last week I had this huge light bulb moment. It was at least 100 watts. I was sewing and listening to The Current on CBC radio. I heard this guy talking about his ADHD. He has this inability to hang up his towel to dry properly after a shower. It gets dropped to the floor. How he copes with this problem is to throw the towel in a hamper. That way,  it would get laundered.

I perked up when I heard inability to pick up the towel. It might sound strange to people but not to me. I know that feeling well. Mine inability does not pertain to bath towels but other dropped objects. I have often wondered why it is so hard for me to bend down and pick it up. In my head it seems like an easy thing to do. In reality, I would look at it, walk around it, etc. for quite awhile before I could do it. It feels like a physical agony to bend over to pick up the object. I’ve often wondered about this peculiarity in me. It’s a relief to find that I’m not alone.

I’m glad to learn that it’s a brain thing. I probably knew that all along. What else could it be? I have no physical disability. But it’s been a huge struggle with ADL (activities of daily living). That’s what I talk about mostly, day in and day out. The same damn things and I’m almost still in the same damn spot. Not much improvement at all. It’s not that I don’t know what to do. I’ve done lots of research. I have lots of info, lots of how to. I’ve read a lot of books. Done lots of workshops.

The thing with me is: I know what to do but I fail at the performance point. I have to stop wasting my time gathering more instructions and information and use my time and energy to DO and follow through. I am just copying and pasting like in FB otherwise. I am not doing a damn thing towards my goal of executing an action. I’ve never really thought of myself having ADHD at all until now. But I answer a resounding YES to all these questions:

  • Do you have trouble paying attention and are you easily bored or distracted?
  • Is it hard for you to get organized?
  • Do you have trouble starting or finishing projects?
  • Do you dread paperwork and have trouble keeping up with your mail?
  • Do you frequently lose or misplace important items such as your keys or wallets?
  • Are you often late paying your bills and so charged with extra fees?
  • Do you frequently feel restless, have trouble relaxng and find that you have to keep busy all the time?
  • Do you need to change jobs more than others or have “too many interests”?
  • Do you interrup others when they are speaking or blurt things out even when you don’t want to?
  • Is it hard for you to manage your time well or not be chronically late?
  • Are you often bored, impatient, easily frustrated, or have trouble with emotional ups and downs?

These questions are from The Mindfulness Prescription for Adult ADHD. The author advises to do something different and not to skip the introductions or skip ahead. I am already having trouble with that. I often skip ahead. Sometimes I read the ending before I could finish the book. I think I have ADHD bad. I am a high functioning malfunctional person. On the outside I could pass for a successful person. I have done well in school and on the job. I’ve paid a high price for it. Now I want life not to be so difficult.

Having a name to my ‘condition’ and that aha moment helps alot. I’m on a mad tear on learning as much as I can. I have trouble starting and equal difficulty in stopping as well. Dr. Russell Barkley’s lectures on YouTube on ADHD are excellent. He calls ADHD the diabetes of the brain. It is a chronic condition. I’m going to stop here while I can.