I feel somewhat like Humpty Dumpty after his great fall. I am broken but I think I can put myself back together again. Last week I had this huge light bulb moment. It was at least 100 watts. I was sewing and listening to The Current on CBC radio. I heard this guy talking about his ADHD. He has this inability to hang up his towel to dry properly after a shower. It gets dropped to the floor. How he copes with this problem is to throw the towel in a hamper. That way,  it would get laundered.

I perked up when I heard inability to pick up the towel. It might sound strange to people but not to me. I know that feeling well. Mine inability does not pertain to bath towels but other dropped objects. I have often wondered why it is so hard for me to bend down and pick it up. In my head it seems like an easy thing to do. In reality, I would look at it, walk around it, etc. for quite awhile before I could do it. It feels like a physical agony to bend over to pick up the object. I’ve often wondered about this peculiarity in me. It’s a relief to find that I’m not alone.

I’m glad to learn that it’s a brain thing. I probably knew that all along. What else could it be? I have no physical disability. But it’s been a huge struggle with ADL (activities of daily living). That’s what I talk about mostly, day in and day out. The same damn things and I’m almost still in the same damn spot. Not much improvement at all. It’s not that I don’t know what to do. I’ve done lots of research. I have lots of info, lots of how to. I’ve read a lot of books. Done lots of workshops.

The thing with me is: I know what to do but I fail at the performance point. I have to stop wasting my time gathering more instructions and information and use my time and energy to DO and follow through. I am just copying and pasting like in FB otherwise. I am not doing a damn thing towards my goal of executing an action. I’ve never really thought of myself having ADHD at all until now. But I answer a resounding YES to all these questions:

• Do you have trouble paying attention and are you easily bored or distracted?
• Is it hard for you to get organized?
• Do you have trouble starting or finishing projects?
• Do you dread paperwork and have trouble keeping up with your mail?
• Do you frequently lose or misplace important items such as your keys or wallets?
• Are you often late paying your bills and so charged with extra fees?
• Do you frequently feel restless, have trouble relaxng and find that you have to keep busy all the time?
• Do you need to change jobs more than others or have “too many interests”?
• Do you interrup others when they are speaking or blurt things out even when you don’t want to?
• Is it hard for you to manage your time well or not be chronically late?
• Are you often bored, impatient, easily frustrated, or have trouble with emotional ups and downs?

These questions are from The Mindfulness Prescription for Adult ADHD. The author advises to do something different and not to skip the introductions or skip ahead. I am already having trouble with that. I often skip ahead. Sometimes I read the ending before I could finish the book. I think I have ADHD bad. I am a high functioning malfunctional person. On the outside I could pass for a successful person. I have done well in school and on the job. I’ve paid a high price for it. Now I want life not to be so difficult.

Having a name to my ‘condition’ and that aha moment helps alot. I’m on a mad tear on learning as much as I can. I have trouble starting and equal difficulty in stopping as well. Dr. Russell Barkley’s lectures on YouTube on ADHD are excellent. He calls ADHD the diabetes of the brain. It is a chronic condition. I’m going to stop here while I can.