Tag Archives: conversations

CONVERSATIONS

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When the conversation stops, it’s difficult to get it going again. That’s what I’m experiencing – here and in other places. I’ll see if I can get it going again. This stretch of October days has been sunny and warm. My energy and spirit have benefited. I’m doing more and complaining less. Hallelujah!

Having said that, I am feeling overcast by the news. Not watching or listening doesn’t make the bad stuff go away. It’s better to be informed than hiding my head in the sand. That way, I can make better decisions. It is not easy, though, to be in the here and now – watching the migrant caravan trying to gain entry into a better life, the murder of Jamal Khashoggi, the political scene and Donald Trump in the United States. None of it is uplighting. It is what is happening.

There seems to be so many things wrong in our world. It seems so wrong that so many people are living in abject poverty while the wealthiest one perfect of the world’s population owns more than half of the world’s wealth. It seems so wrong to build a wall to keep out the poorest and most suffering from having a chance to better their lives. It seems that we live such hippocritcal lives. While the world condemns Saudi Arabia on its human rights, the U.S., Canada and the UK  still have arms deals with the country. Will they continue?

This is not the conversation I want to start but how could I not? I come from a country whose human rights record is questionable. I have my own personal memory bank of my native country’s violence. I remember the sound of a firing squad in my childhood. You cannot speak out against Chairman Mao. You cannot breathe a negative word to a wrong person. My mother had to be a witness to such an event. She kept her eyes on the ground, she said. The victim was a teacher who spoke out of turn.

My eyes tear at the memory now. Then, I was but a child with no understanding. It’s distressing that not much has  really changed. But maybe it has. With the technology and communications today, we are aware of what is happening everywhere. It is not ‘over there’ anymore. It is here, right in our livingrooms. There is nowhere to hide anymore.

Conversations are difficult to start and maintain. The flow takes practice, practice and endless cups of tea. Solutions and relationships can be the outcome in the course of sipping tea and exchange of words and ideas. It does take effort and courage or foolishness. It could be the latter for me. I cannot live in silence of non response and proper ettiquette. I often speak without wisdom.

MY CLAIM TO SUCCESS

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This winter never will never end. It snowed again this morning. I see fine flakes floating around. I wonder if spring will come this year. The snow, the melt, the ice and water is wearing me down. They are all the things that I have no control. I better buckle up, give my buttercup self and pep talk and march on.

I’m marching one letter, then another across this page. I’m stringing them into words, sentences and thoughts. It gives me comfort to bend and tap my fingers on the keyboard. I am being proactive. I’m brainstorming and problem solving. I am not sitting inert in my gloom and misery. I am not stuck in myself. I’m sitting in my therapy chair, the therapist and patient, all in one. It’s very cost and otherwise effective. I don’t have very far to go and I’m not boring some stranger with my whining.

Since I have no one to impress but myself, I tend to stay with the facts. It cuts down the feeling sorry for myself blues. I have been paying attention to my conversations with other people. I find no satisfaction in reiterating past events and past wrongs. Rather, the opposite happens. It leaves me feeling worse. The best course of action for me is to leave it here on the page. I can censor, edit, add and delete here. In the physical world, once the cat is out of the bag, you can’t get it back in. Sometimes I would suffer the claw wounds if that was possible. It isn’t – POSSIBLE.

I’m just back from my afternoon walk with Sheba. Had thoughts of skipping today as it looked HARD with more wet snow. I had a talk with myself and buckled up my resolve. Don’t think. Put the leash on Sheba, shoes on me and GO. It worked and was easier than yesterday. Another difficult task done. I find so many things difficult. I am such a whiner. I whine but I do them. I almost said, let’s go out for lunch, too. The thought of bringing out and banging the pans around felt HARD. I was groaning inside. But once I started chopping the onions, the rest was history. The secret of any success is the START. It really isn’t such a secret but it feels good to claim the discovery of it.