Tag Archives: changing my tune

DAY 19 UBC – COME TO THE TABLE

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Come to the Table

There are indeed so many things to do, some that are needed and some that I want to do. There is really no time to be maudlin. I have to remind myself that the next time I get the blues. I know that right in the moment of those feelings, it is difficult to rise above it. Then I have to remind myself it’s okay. I’m just being human. I can have a rainy day to rest from the sun. Not all days are equal. We need the sun and we need the rain equally.

I’m sitting here, late in the day again, tapping out another post for the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I have no idea of what to write until I come to the table and begin. That is my biggest tool in life – to come to the table and start. I have to show up and make a move, however small it is. I think I outdid myself. It’s one of my best days in a long time. The Challenge is working, helping me change the way I talk. I’m finding positives instead of griping about the negatives all the time.

D0 you know that birds change their tunes? Apparently the male Savannah sparrows are changing their songs to attract ‘the ladies’. They are singing different songs than their ancestors did 30 years ago. If they can change their tunes, so can I. It’s not going to happen overnight. It will take some doing. I will take it one day at a time. I stumbled already today. I felt terrible over my misstep and berated myself. I gave myself a talk and forgave me for being human. That’s how it’s going to be.

This morning I had no idea of what to make for lunch. It’s such a headache sometimes especially when the larder is scant. Then I remembered we have some ham with a bone left. Why don’t I make soup? There’s some limp celery in the fridge. The ham triggered thoughts of pork and beans. I can taste it with the thought. We have Swedish beans, carrots and onions we grew ourselves. Then the guy harvested some of our Jerusalem artichokes. Well, guess what? I had a whole Instant Pot full of good stuff. It made a delicious soup served over rice noodles.

All this reminds me that when we think we are scraping the bottom of the barrel, it is not true. We have a lot of stuff in us to take us where we want to go. I’m almost scraping the bottom now. I’ve done lots besides making soup. I planted the garlic and mulched them. Hope it’s not too late. Then there are the perennial beds that needed to be put to bed. Our daytime temperatures are now in the minuses. Now it is time to say good night and God bless.

GETTING IT ALL OUT

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It’s wise men who say don’t watch the news before bedtime. All the world’s tragedies flashed before your eyes in a matter of minutes. The gas explosion in a bakery in Paris, killing 3 people, the bus crash in Ottawa, killing 3, injurying 23. The story on where our plastic waste ends up (in Malaysia) sent me into despair and depression. I felt the ridiculous efforts of our recycling. I threw in my innocent and laughable hopes and went to bed.

All this is still with me this morning. No such luck as to sleeping it off. I feel depressed, down but not out – yet. I’ve fallen off  doing Julia Cameron’s Morning Pages. I’ve come here instead. Who says you have to write it out longhand with pen and paper? Tapping on the keyboard is an effective tool for me. Adding photos and videos satisfies some of that creative need in me. Doing all that defuses some of my negative feelings.

Talking about negative emotions, are they so bad? Is it shameful to admit we get depressed, disappointed and unhappy? Must we feel elated all the time? What about when bad things happen? It’s only normal that we feel ‘bad’. There are times when anger/whatever is the only logical and healthy reaction to have. I feel so confused when people put on a polite front. I feel such a failure in their presence.

At the same time I’m so sick of  hearing about wounds and healing. Are we all walking around ripped open and bleeding? I don’t mean to be insensitive. I am was/still is in woundology (Caroline Myss’s terminology) myself. Sometimes I DO hear myself (now). It’s time to change my tune.

I’ve gone on long enough. Talked and revealed too much. Time to shut up and say good night on day 13 of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. I’m feeling challenged.