Day 69, September 29, 2016 @9:17

Some mornings are harder than others.  This is one of them. I’m here. I’m prepared to sit and stay.  I’ve made my cup of tea before hand.  I will not have that excuse to flee.  I can sit, stay and sip through the discomforts.  I’m beginning to understand this phenomenon of procrastination – at least for me.  My brain is lazy.  It wants to do the same old, same old. It’s easier to stay in well travelled ruts.  It does not want new pathways.  It does not want a new circuitry.  I  DO.  I’m fighting my brain right now to stay awake.  Sleepiness is another way for it to flee.

The sun just came out to lend me a hand.  Thank you, Mr. Sun!  I need a little help today.  My tea is done but I’m not finished here.  What do I have to say? What do I want to say?  The going is tough. I feel like a gerbil on a treadmill. I’m moving but not advancing. My great deduction today is that if I want changes, I must be the change.  I must be the instrument.  I must DO.  I must make goals and lists.  Writing them down is concrete.  I cannot rely on goals and lists in my head.  It makes it easier to forget and disregard.

I made a move yesterday to reward myself $1 for showing up each day.  It’s tangible.  It’s working.  I will have $2 in my teapot today. I am working on making my basement a nice living space.  I will clean/clear a small area each day. I threw out 2 old humidifiers and a CD rack yesterday. I worked a little on the sweater I started this summer.  The secret I believe is starting and working small but steady.  Do not lose heart.

What is your goal today?