Tag Archives: bored

ON BLOCKS AND BEING STUCK

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It’s Monday, sunny and bright for most of the day. I should have taken advantage of the energy boost it gave me. But I didn’t exactly bust my ass. I had good intentions. They don’t mean squat if I didn’t follow through. I should not trash myself too badly because I did show up for the aerobics class this morning. Now I’m showing up here.

It’s almost the supper hour. The sun has set. There is a bit of wind but it was relatively pleasant walking Sheba. I was bundled up – too much. I was in a sweat when we got home. The back gate is locked for the evening. The recycle bin at the front curb. I’ve collected my summer sandals off the deck. They’re in a box. Haven’t figured out where to put the box yet. So I guess the sandals are still on the deck.

Pretty boring mutterings, eh? That’s how I’m feeling these days – blasé about life in general. Have you ever been in that condition? I have, many times. I guess it comes from having a short attention span and easily bored.  That’s my theory. I do get over them though this one is hanging on. There’s nothing to do but hang on, keep getting up, dressing up and showing  up. I know one morning I will wake up feeling ‘yippee!’

I get help wherever I can. Daisy Yellow (Tammy Garcia) provides lots of inspiration. She founded the annual Index-Card-a-Day Challenge of which I participates. Her post about dealing with creative blocks works for my life blocks. After all, life is a creative process and a work of art. I try to paint a little index card, cut/sew a quilt square or two, write in that one-inch picture frame that Anne Lamott talks about in her Bird by Bird. Now, I have a whole swack of index card art. Some awesome, some good and some just so so. I’m on my way to building a quilt. It’s slow going but I have a start. I try to come to this space daily. Sometimes I don’t make it. Sometimes I do. My self -talks help to unlock blocks. To date I have 1,004 blog posts.

IT’S THE RAIN

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It’s a wet, dreary, windy day. Thank God for the autumn leaves. Their gold was more vibrant in the grey. This is the kind of day when I wish Sheba was self-walking. But I will brave up shortly and take her out. We’ve done this once or twice before. We got caught in a sudden deluge at the park couple of summers ago with no rain gear. There was no place to hide, not even down among the trees. The rain came down so fast it had nowhere to go. The trails became little streams. We got wet! We were not happy.

There was a lull in the rain. Sheba and I have been out and back. It was not too bad. The thoughts and anticipations were worse. But it is nice to come back to a warm dry house. It’s nice to have tea, toast and jam. One must keep one’s spirit and resolve up somehow. I need all the help I can get. I am not sad or mad but I’m not overflowing with glad either. It’s that kind of day. It’s the rain.

The day is restful but maybe a little too restful. I feel a bit at loose ends, somewhat like a soggy noodle. I’m not brimming with ambition. I feel no creativity whatsoever. Perhaps it’s not a good day to read How to Change Your Mind by Michael Pollen. The cover enticed me at the library. How could I resist: What the New Science of Psychedelics Teaches Us About Consciousness, Dying, Addiction, Depression and Transcendence? It’s probably not meant to be read at one or two sittings like a whodunnit. I must learn to be patient. I did manage a few pages though. It is interesting to read that LSD was discovered by Albert Hofmanm in 1943 and his first accidental ‘acid trip’. He lived to be 102. Amazing!

I’m boring even myself now. It’s the rain. I’m happy to have it. I’m happy to have a rest from all my strivings and doings. Sometimes it is really ok to be bored. My mind and brain need the downtime to idle and recharge. I love to sit and look out the window. How lovely the autumn foliage. How they light up the grey day. Is it not picture perfect?

 

STAYING ALIVE BLUES

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It’s that flipping time in the afternoon where I feel the lowest in energy. I just want to sink into my loveseat and bask in the sunshine. I want to close my eyes and not think about doing. But here I am, sitting in front of my keyboard. I’m trying to tap myself alive. Now I got that song Staying Alive playing in my head. I’m trying to strut in my chair like the Bee Gees. Whatever works! Have to be resourceful on lazy days. Or I could just give in and be lazy. Nothing wrong with that except that it will be harder to climb out of that hole later. So here’s to strutting and staying alive, however I can.

My dishes are stacked in the sink to be dealt with later. I want to sit here in the sun while it’s shining. It’s warmth is making me sleepy. I still got one eye opened. I’ve got my cup of tea. And Sheba’s barking on cue. No danger of falling asleep in front of the keyboard. I bribe her with a rawhide chew. It works like a charm. I have no magic charm on this cold Boxing Day. I just got the good old the day after blues. But not seriously. I feel a little like an over inflated balloon with some air out of it. Slightly deflated if you want to call it that.

It’s the accumulation of the year, the ups, downs and the mediocre. I feel much like a kid who is bored saying to his mom, There is nothing to do. Only I have too much to do but I don’t want to do it. I’m feeling kind of rebellious and pouty. It really doesn’t do me any good at this age. Not when I am the adult. So what I do is a little of this and that in between my pouts and struts. The hall and bathroom are vacuumed. Sheba is placated for awhile. I’ve worked a bit on two little art projects.

In an hour is the fur baby’s supper and her walk after. Maybe I can stir myself to deal with the dishes now. Then there’s the dining table to be tidied. I need to read the instructions on how to operate my new million dollar Bernina sewing machine. I’m not ready to lose interest already. I’m better than that. Aren’t I? But dang, it’s hard to stay alive!