Tag Archives: attention span

On Idleness and Nothingness

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I am seldom idle with nothing to do even though I feel as if I’m languishing my life away. All our technology today does not allow me a moment of nothingness. But ask me what I have accomplish in any given moment. I cannot tell you. I feel as if my attention has been kidnapped. I am held captive, pushing buttons on the phone, tapping the keyboard search of news, stories, blah, blah, blah. All the things that matters squat. I know that. Yet it is hard to stop.

It has been especially bad this past year. Having lost my mother, it is natural that I am interested in other people’s similar situations. Pretty soon there’s alot of posts in my feed from people losing their mothers. Grieving and suffering, I am naturally drawn to stories and articles on that and how people overcome their issues. So by now I have been saturated with so many stories of loss and suffering. I didn’t know there was so many weird and awful diseases, congenital defects, accidents. How is it possible to live? It is no wonder I am not a happy camper.

I remember a time when I did not have a computer or an iPhone. Now I am an owner of an iMac, iPhone, iPad and a macbook. How many macs do I really need? Back in the days, I did no googling in search of things of no importance. I ate my breakfast leisurely, listening to CBC radio. CBC was news worthy and had interesting and educational programs. The library held many books to answer my questions on gardening, cooking, sewing, the arts. It was adequate. My brain was not flooded and short circuited by a million and one trivialities like it is today.

Recovering my brain and life is what I hope for this coming year. I hear that improvements in our lives do not happen on their own. Drat! It means I have to do the work. So where to start? What pops up in my mind is mindfulness, going back to morning idleness and nothingness. It is the thing that have saved me over and over again. It should be easy to do nothing again, right?

THE SECOND TIME AROUND

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December 27, 2018  9:46 am

The turkey soup is simmering on the stovetop. It’s a slow cooking morning. There is no hurry, nowhere to go, no need to be other than what is and where I am. I am feeling that magical, elusive peace and contentment of a child in the holiday lull of Christmas and New Year. It is wonderful. I’m feeling the same warmth and security of my childhood’s New Year’s Eve in China. I am snug, drifting off to sleep, listening to the chatter of my mother, grandmother and ‘aunties’ as they tend the fires for the pasteries they’re steaming and deep frying.

It is a grey morning but it does not bring any grey thoughts or feelings. I’m breathing in the aroma in the air. Turkey soup is good for the soul. I’m reading Julie Cameron’s The Artist’s Way again. I’ve had many years ago but only got through the first few chapters. I came away with her morning pages and the artist’s date. I’ve never given either much practice though I have come to this space to tap out my words. I’m finding resonance this second time around. There is a time for everything. The time is right, now.

December 28, 2018  9:20 am

I can be so easily distracted, led astray by so much news and information that is out there – on the Internet. I’m sure much of it is not important, vital to my well being. What I need is to bring my attention back to my Inner Self. I probably have a whole pile of stuff in my database yet to be tapped. I am a collector/hoarder of unused everythings.

The days are slowly getting longer. I’ve reached beyond tipping point. I’m heading towards the light, away from the darkness. It hasn’t been that bad this year. It hasn’t been bad at all. Snow flakes are gently drifting down. I welcome the snow and its whiteness. It IS winter and there should be snow. It adds a bit of normalcy to our now strange world of melting winters and sizzling/freezing summers.

11:55 am

I am a woman with a short attention span. That span is getting shorter with the Internet grabbing pieces of it here and there. I’m not successful in snataching some of it back. My mind is astir as if by a witch’s broom. Maybe it is the weather. Too many negative ions in the air. Today I have not read any morning pages from Julie Cameron’s The Artist’s Way nor from Stephen Jenkinson’s Die Wise, or Wayne Dyer’s Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life. I’ve had Wayne Dyer’s on my bookshelf for many years and hadn’t realized it was based on the Tao Te Ching. Clearly it is a sign I need to mend my ways. But tomorrow is another day.