Tag Archives: Anne Lamott

RAINY DAY LAZIES

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IMG_6680It’s been raining on and off all day.  It’s coming down hard as I speak, the rain spattering and running down the window. But it is one of those easeful, lazy kind of day.  It is the kind that spells REST.

Sheba and I did go for our walk this morning.  We both got dressed in our black rain gear and splashed our way through the puddles at leisure.  What’s a little rain?  The traffic around the neighbourhood was something else.  With so many road detour blockage, our normally quiet side streets were abuzz with cars going every which way.  Then a cyclist rode up behind us and rang his bell.  Sheba did not like that!  It was NOT relaxing.

IMG_0932I was not completely lazy.  I managed a thing or two.  I dusted my rock and seashell collection that I had brought back from Ghana. I listened to the music of Loreena McKennitt.  I drank tea.  Reading someone’s blog post on discovering your purpose and your calling, I discovered in that moment I didn’t want a purpose or a calling.  I wanted just to live my life for myself.  Would you call that selfish?

Selfish or not, I am elated that I have definite feelings about something.  I’m not willy nilly after all.  How wonderful that I’m not another sailor lost at sea.  I have a sense of direction.  Maybe that is what purpose is.

IMG_0934I did some filing and clearing of the desk, but somehow no matter how many pieces of paper I move, things didn’t look any better. But I remembered what Anne Lamott said about messes and clutter.

“But clutter and mess show us that life is being lived. Clutter is wonderfully fertile ground – you can still discover new treasures under all those piles, clean things up, edit things out, fix things, get a grip. Tidiness suggests that something is as good as it’s going to get. Tidiness makes me think of held breath, of suspended animation, while writing needs to breathe and move.”

And she is right!  I am happily tapping away in my clutter, finding little nuggets in my piles.

FERTILE GROUND

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The day is in glorious warmth and sunshine.  A fresh breeze is coming in from my window.  The air is alive with children’s voices and laughter from the daycare one house removed.

We are back from our morning bike ride, the three of us – the man on his recumbent trike, me on my upright trike and Sheba on foot.  I have a couple of shots of us before we headed out.

It was a little harder managing my iPhone, bike and dog while in motion.  It was a little tricky as you can tell by these shots.  One handed Annie was not good with her aim!

 

We are back and I am tapping away on my keyboard in the midst of my usual clutter and mess.  I have been reading Anne Lamott’s Bird by Bird.  I like what she says of clutter.

“But clutter and mess show us that life is being lived.  Clutter is wonderfully fertile ground – you can still discover new treasures under all those piles, clean things up, edit things out, fix things, get a grip.  Tidiness suggests that something is as good as it’s going to get.  Tidiness makes me think of held breath, of suspended animation, while writing needs to breathe and move.”

Yesterday I had looked under some of my piles, cleaned a few things up.  I found a couple of treasures.  I held them in my hands and could not edit them out – yet.  I filed them for the time being.  It’s hard to erase myself.

I’m fixing things bit by bit.  I am getting a grip.  My feet are firmly on the ground, though my mind wanders from time to time.  There’s always things to work on – piles to clear, words to write, stitches to ply, love to be had, God to thank…

AIN’T NO MOUNTAIN HIGH ENOUGH

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climb

I am ignited by Anne Lamott’s post on perfectionism this morning.

” There’s a whole chapter on perfectionism in Bird by Bird, because it is the great enemy of the writer, and of life, our sweet messy beautiful screwed up human lives. It is the voice of the oppressor. It will keep you very scared and restless your entire life if you do not awaken, and fight back, and if you’re an artist, it will destroy you.”

I am fighting back.  Her words stir so much emotion in me.

” Do you mind even a little that you are still addicted to people-pleasing, and are still putting everyone else’s needs and laundry and career ahead of your creative, spiritual life? Giving all your life force away, to “help” and impress. Well, your help is not helpful, and falls short. “

I do mind – a lot.   Years of anger and resentment are boiling inside my deep cauldron.  There’s threat of it spilling over and scalding me.  I breathe deep and slow.  The boiling subsides, the lid closes. The danger passes and I am safe, again.  No use letting my self-anger hurt me more.

“My pastor said last Sunday that if you don’t change directions, you are going to end up where you are headed. Is that okay with you, to end up still desperately trying to achieve more, and to get the world to validate your parking ticket, and to get your possibly dead parents to see how amazing you always were? “

IMG_0515Be smarter!  Do not fall back into your old patterns.  Do not beat yourself about yourself.  So I go into my Wonder Woman persona to lasso in my anger and to turn it into energy to work for me.

Who needs all this anger?  But when it comes, you have to let it in, acknowledge it, feel it, use it, turn it around and then send it on its way.

Thanks to anger’s angst and Wonder Woman’s magic, I have moved a few a little mountains in my world this morning.  It is not that I have to work harder.  I have to be a little smarter and a little more flexible but most of all, a little kinder to myself.  It is important that kindness starts at home.

But being a woman, daughter and a nurse, I’ve been taught it is holy to be out there for others.  I’m seldom home for me.  Thank you Anne Lamott for all your words.  I love you.