CHRISTMAS 2023

Posted on December 25, 2023 by hafong

And so it is Christmas, a sunny warm afternoon. It is 0℃ outside and 4℃ in the greenhouse. The forecast is for above 0 temperatures for the next few days. Who would have thought? I think I’ve shut down the greenhouse too soon. This is probably the year I could have lettuce all year long. It is not too late. I shall seed some greens inside and move them out to the greenhouse once they’ve germinated and grown some. The days are getting longer now. More daylight and sun.

And so it is Christmas. Not doing much. I would go for a walk except that I have plantar fasciitis in my left foot. It would be a painful and slow walk. But I finally got my concentration mojo back and am reading A Thousand Acres, a novel by Jane Smiley. It was highly recommended by whom I can’t remember. It’s been sitting in my Libby app on my iPad for a long while. It’s a very good read about family dynamics and drama – an appropriate topic for this time of the year.

So this is Christmas 2023. I have enjoyed it. Hope you have, too. Looking forward to what will come. Maybe there’ll be snow and we can go for a ski or two. Certainly the days will be longer and lighter.

STICKY RICE

Posted on December 24, 2023 by hafong

It’s a sunny Christmas Eve afternoon. There’s no sign of a white Christmas. I’m making sticky rice as my contribution to our family meal at my brother’s this evening. I’m not at all in a yuletide mood. But my mind is cast back to my childhood memories of winter solstice and New Year in China.

Though we have left China behind, my mother have kept some of the traditions alive. Now that she can no longer make the traditional dishes, she has instilled the love of Chinese food in me. Enough so that I can sort of fake a dish or two. There’s YouTube now with instructions for any dish you can think of. It’s too late for Winter Solstice but I can make rice dumplings for New Year’s. Chinese New Year would even be better. It would give me more time to prepare. Here’s an excellent video on how.

New Year was an exciting time for me as a child. All the aunties would get together on the eve and spend the night cooking up all kinds of pastries. I can still hear the murmur of their voices as they tend the fire and pots while I lay upstairs in bed, fighting sleep. It was a magical time. I would wake in the morning to find a new outfit to wear and a little red envelope.

Now back to my sticky rice. I use a fail-safe recipe by Amy and Jacky. It is cooking in the Instant Pot after a little mishap. I was forgetful and not paying attention. I started pouring water into the pot then realizing the liner pot was not in it! Lucky it was just a little water and it came out the bottom. I was afraid it might short circuit the electrical and wreck the pot. I used my hairdryer to blow dry everything. It worked. Saved for another day!

Instant Pot Chinese Sticky Rice

WASHING DISHES

Posted on December 23, 2023 by hafong

There’s something very pleasing about washing dishes. It soothes and smooths me, much like tapping on the keyboard. It’s easier though. It requires no thinking. I turn on the tap and away I go, scrubbing one thing after another. Then there’s the rinsing and putting it on the rack to dry. It’s a dance of the dishes – scrub, rinse and dry.

It has a calming effect on me when I am at a loss of what and how to do. A dance session at the sink settles my nerves and erratic thoughts. By the end all the scrambled thinking falls into their rightful places like – pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. I feel such pleasure at this moment. I sink into it so that I can remember and conjure it up when there are no dishes to do.

In the moment, I am in the flow. I am one with the Universe. In the moment, I know what and how to do. The words and ideas find their way to me. And I tap them onto the page before they are lost.

WAKING UP

Posted on December 22, 2023 by hafong

I have not been feeling like myself for awhile. How long I can’t tell. You know how it is when life happens and you have to respond. Things creep up and your usual self slowly erodes. Other times you get hit with a monkey wrench. You get knocked to the ground. You learn how to get up but things are never the same. You give your whole being into surviving. You live and you think you are doing hunky-dory. Then you wake up.

So this is where I am at. I’m waking up as from an enchanted sleep to find things and I have not been so hunky-dory. For one thing I’ve lost the pleasure of doing anything. I feel overwhelmed and tired just thinking about it. Perhaps that’s the thing – overthinking. The other trouble is that I’m getting more forgetful. It’s frightful – enough to wake me up to do something about it. It’s easy and comfortable to coast, to scroll and let social media and Prime Video entertain and comfort me. There’s no risk of failure or rejection. But it does kill the brain and spirit.

I’ve waken up and stepping out again into my old self. I want to be a better version, a new self. I’m finding Atomic Habits a helpful tool. I’m a self-help junkie. I have to be careful not to get addicted to just gathering self-help books and courses. I have to work it. Being only 3 days in, it is too early to brag but I have shown up every day and writing. I am exercising my dendrites to snap more efficiently. And I am starting to feel pleasure in doing again. It’s an awesome start.

MY FIRST CHRISTMAS

Posted on December 21, 2023 by hafong

I will always remember my first Christmas and year in Canada. My father and his cousin had a cafe in Maidstone, Saskatchewan. We (my parents, my sister and I) lived on the second floor for the first while. We had 2 adjoining rooms. Cousin Gary and his wife and their nephew also shared the upstairs. That first Christmas did not really leave a huge or any impression on me. There was a tree, what you might call a Charlie Brown one, in the dining room. My sister and I got our pictures snapped in front of it as you can see.

But we did not celebrate with presents, baking and a Christmas meal – not that I can remember. The tree was on display for customers. I was too young and new in Canada to be disappointed or have any feelings about the whole Christmas thing. Those came later. We moved out of the cafe into a tiny house in the back of the cafe when my brother came along. That Christmas we didn’t have a tree, presents or any of what you would do for Christmas. We were poor though I didn’t know it. I was still unimpressed and unaffected.

Our fortune slowly improved. We moved to a bigger house with a living room and 2 bedrooms. I had my own bedroom for a short while until our grandparents came to live with us. Then I had the top of a bunkbed while my sister had the bottom in the living room. My baby brother shared with my mother. My father stayed at the cafe during the week. By that time we had a Christmas tree and some new clothes.

It was about that time I started feeling a ‘gap’ between me and the universe, that I did not fit in. And I’m missing out. Embarrassment is perhaps what I felt. Now I’m back where I began long ago – no Christmas tree and no presents. I’m also not impressed or affected. I’m no longer embarrassed if I’m not fitting in. I’m not totally humbug though. I believe in the spirit of Christmas. It can be celebrated in many ways and on all days.

WORD MAGIC AND HABITS

Posted on December 20, 2023 by hafong

Once again I’m enticed by words, by how they can tease me into wakefulness and thoughts. I am better with them than without. In the language of gurus, words ground me. I’ve been a little lost and forgetful since I’ve lapsed my writing practice. I’ve found my way back, seeking the magic and comfort in the tapping of my keyboard.

I’m going to stay on course. My short term plan is to show up daily from now till the end of January. I’m pumped by James Clear’s Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones. It’s a very easy and interesting read. One valuable thing he said was that it’s not goal setting that’s the ticket. It’s the system we use to get to the goal. It makes sense. It should be easy to test it.

I already have a goal of writing every day till the end of January. In order to succeed, I have to show up at my keyboard every day and write. The best times for me would be in the morning or early afternoon. By late afternoon, I am drained physically and mentally. I shall not be too ambitious and aim for the stars. I shall have coffee chats to start off with. Who know where chats can go, eh?

SO THIS IS CHRISTMAS

Posted on December 19, 2023 by hafong

So this is Christmas. John Lennon is singing in my head. And what have you done? Another year older. A new one’s just begun. So this is Christmas. I hope you had fun.

So this is Christmas. It is yet to come in 6 days. I can’t say that I’ve always had fun. I’m singing that old song again – feeling pretentious, guilty, left out. I think it’s time I let go of these feelings. I’ve given some time on rethinking Christmas and what it’s true meaning. Here’s what one internet site says: Because Christmas is about the birth of God’s Son – Jesus. It is about how he came to give us love, hope and joy. That message doesn’t change from year to year. It seems like a very good message.

And so this is Christmas. I’m another year older. What have I done? I’m thinking in terms of giving love, hope and joy. I’m counting and adding in my head. It’s not so much but it’s not too little. I feel that whatever I can muster up is enough. I can always add a little more when I can.

So this is Christmas. I’ve had some fun, and a bit of hope. I feel joy I am making an effort. And I feel love all around.

ONE OF THOSE NIGHTS

Posted on November 22, 2023 by hafong

I’m having one of those nights when my restless spirit won’t let me sleep. I hate it for stirring me up with useless circular thoughts going round and round and I can’t stop this train. What happened to the brakes? Aren’t I in control?

I wrestled quietly in bed. Can’t decide whether I should stay or get up. Which is better. My indeciveness is making me more agitated. I get mad. I get up. I cannot contain myself. So now I am tapping to calm myself. Maybe I can tap myself to sleep. I would like to have a cup of tea but that would keep me up going to the bathroom all night. I miss my youth when that thought would not even enter my head. And I would drink tea all night long.

Do you have such nights? And what would you do? I don’t mean to complain. I don’t have these nights very often. I get irritated when I do. I like to get up early in the morning. That’s the best part of my day. And when I can’t sleep, I won’t be bright eyed and bushy tail. I have an exercise class at 7 am. Surely my tail will sag. Maybe I should hit the sack again and will myself to sleep.

LEARNING TO LIGHT A FIRE

Posted on November 21, 2023 by hafong

Photo by Thilipen Rave Kumar on Pexels.com

November is an incredibly hard month, made harder by the lack of snow to lighten the grey. We are now one week and 2 days away from December. The grass is still green. And so is the Egyptian walking onion though it is looking a little limp. My two mandevillas are still alive on the deck. It could be their last day though. The temperature is dipping tomorrow. I don’t think it’s possible for it to come up again. Or could it? Can you imagine a winter in Saskatchewan without snow?

November is an incredibly hard month. Daylight didn’t come till 9 this morning. It’s not a good month to do a makeover, set new goals, or lose weight. It’s hard even to write a few words. There’s no hope in me setting the world on fire. I’m as sleepy as can be. I could snack and drink tea all day long. But I must get a handle on this. I must grow a back bone, have a little self control and learn how to start a fire.

I’ve managed to set down Mathew Perry’s book, Friends, Lovers and the Big Terrible Thing and hoist myself off the loveseat. It’s a good read and I am surprised to read all the bad reviews on Goodreads. It’s very illuminating into the world of addiction. It’s of interest, too that he grew up in Canada, his mother the press secretary to Pierre Trudeau and his stepfather is Keith Morrison, an ex CBC reporter. Morrison was a friend of my neighbour 2 houses down from me way back in the days. He would visit from time to time. I could tell when by his fancy sports car parked in the street.

Yes, November is an incredibly hard month. It’s dark already at 5:15. I must turn the light on. I haven’t got the fire going yet but there’s a bit of spark in me.

LIFE AS A PROJECT

Posted on November 10, 2023 by hafong

Lately I’ve been in a bland blue funk, a lover of words and pictures, adrift and lost in a sea of no interest. Nothing stirs me. I’m plodding through my days by rote. It’s a good thing that I’ve had many interests and hobbies in the past. I can still rely on them as pastimes even though they are no longer as pleasurable. It’s not a good or sustainable way to live. Dissatisfaction has driven me to take on life as my next project.

It’s a pretty broad subject. The question now is where to begin. It’s stirring up a bit of interest/curiosity. I’m not quite as bland and morose but I am sick of it all – the whole nine yards of what I’ve been/was. I think I had to come to this to make any meaningful changes. I’m casting my mind’s eye back to the distant past, to as far back as I can. I’m just gathering memories now. I guess I can call them data and go from there. In the meantime, I am cleaning and clearing up my physical space. Hopefully this outer cleansing and cleaning will help do that for my insides.

It is a slow and painful process. I have lived amidst loads and loads of useless and outdated physical and emotional stuff. It will not be easy to let them go. It will be a tug of war. But it does promise to be interesting. At last I am yanked out of my malaise.

onethousandandtwo

Looking at Infinity