DISAPPOINTMENTS

Posted on December 28, 2023 by hafong

I am disappointed that I’ve stumbled and did not show yesterday. I left coming to the keyboard late. I did some shopping for my parents in the afternoon. It required some walking. My plantar fasciitis flared. It was slow and painful making my way through the mall. I came home tired and hungry. You know what happens then.

I had to make myself a cuppa, put my feel up and had a snack. My energy and willpower flagged. I lost myself in watching Lewis on Prime Video. British crime shows are great stress relaxers for me. They do eat up a lot of time being 90 minutes long. It was supper time when the show was over. But it was so worth it. I needed that! I felt rested.

We went out for supper. I had been looking so forward to having fish and chips at Pink Cadillac. Having had it, I am disappointed. It wasn’t that bad. It was big enough, unlike the skimpy thin ones I had at Red Lobster a few weeks ago. But it was a bit over fried. It seems like they were better in my memory and in the past. Disappointment aside, it dampened my desire for eating up for awhile and for fish and chips. There seemed to be not just a few weighty customers. The only slim jims were the waiters.

Did I tell you that I plan to lose 10 pounds and keep it off? I guess I should cross out fish and chips on my list. Mmm. Now in my head I’m seeing that banana split floating by to the next table.

BOXING DAY 2023

Posted on December 26, 2023 by hafong

It’s a beautiful sunny Boxing Day afternoon. All is calm. All is bright. It’s 5℃ out and 6.2℃ in the greenhouse. I’ve seeded a small tray of lettuce greens in anticipation of our present weather trend of warm temperatures and no snow.

I’m deeply immersed in reading A Thousand Acres. Did you know it won the Pulitzer Prize for fiction in 1992? It was hard to tear myself away to write this post. I’m on a streak of showing up now every day for a week. I don’t want to break the cycle and end up in a slump before January. I’m practicing discipline and succeeding.

I’m not doing as well rehabbing the fasciitis in my foot. It is a very slow process. It is very discouraging since I am faithfully doing the exercises every day. I’m learning patience and forbearance. I have to remember that Rome was not built in a day. And I have been careless and abusive with my feet since summer. So now I have to put in the time to heal it. I have numerous resources on treatment besides YouTube. One thing for sure is there are no quick fixes.

There are no quick solutions to lose some of the holiday fat either. It’s another slow and discouraging process. It keeps coming back again and again like a bad penny. But that’s something we can talk about tomorrow. I have to get back to my book. It’s calling me and I have to get up and move.

CHRISTMAS 2023

Posted on December 25, 2023 by hafong

And so it is Christmas, a sunny warm afternoon. It is 0℃ outside and 4℃ in the greenhouse. The forecast is for above 0 temperatures for the next few days. Who would have thought? I think I’ve shut down the greenhouse too soon. This is probably the year I could have lettuce all year long. It is not too late. I shall seed some greens inside and move them out to the greenhouse once they’ve germinated and grown some. The days are getting longer now. More daylight and sun.

And so it is Christmas. Not doing much. I would go for a walk except that I have plantar fasciitis in my left foot. It would be a painful and slow walk. But I finally got my concentration mojo back and am reading A Thousand Acres, a novel by Jane Smiley. It was highly recommended by whom I can’t remember. It’s been sitting in my Libby app on my iPad for a long while. It’s a very good read about family dynamics and drama – an appropriate topic for this time of the year.

So this is Christmas 2023. I have enjoyed it. Hope you have, too. Looking forward to what will come. Maybe there’ll be snow and we can go for a ski or two. Certainly the days will be longer and lighter.

STICKY RICE

Posted on December 24, 2023 by hafong

It’s a sunny Christmas Eve afternoon. There’s no sign of a white Christmas. I’m making sticky rice as my contribution to our family meal at my brother’s this evening. I’m not at all in a yuletide mood. But my mind is cast back to my childhood memories of winter solstice and New Year in China.

Though we have left China behind, my mother have kept some of the traditions alive. Now that she can no longer make the traditional dishes, she has instilled the love of Chinese food in me. Enough so that I can sort of fake a dish or two. There’s YouTube now with instructions for any dish you can think of. It’s too late for Winter Solstice but I can make rice dumplings for New Year’s. Chinese New Year would even be better. It would give me more time to prepare. Here’s an excellent video on how.

New Year was an exciting time for me as a child. All the aunties would get together on the eve and spend the night cooking up all kinds of pastries. I can still hear the murmur of their voices as they tend the fire and pots while I lay upstairs in bed, fighting sleep. It was a magical time. I would wake in the morning to find a new outfit to wear and a little red envelope.

Now back to my sticky rice. I use a fail-safe recipe by Amy and Jacky. It is cooking in the Instant Pot after a little mishap. I was forgetful and not paying attention. I started pouring water into the pot then realizing the liner pot was not in it! Lucky it was just a little water and it came out the bottom. I was afraid it might short circuit the electrical and wreck the pot. I used my hairdryer to blow dry everything. It worked. Saved for another day!

Instant Pot Chinese Sticky Rice

WASHING DISHES

Posted on December 23, 2023 by hafong

There’s something very pleasing about washing dishes. It soothes and smooths me, much like tapping on the keyboard. It’s easier though. It requires no thinking. I turn on the tap and away I go, scrubbing one thing after another. Then there’s the rinsing and putting it on the rack to dry. It’s a dance of the dishes – scrub, rinse and dry.

It has a calming effect on me when I am at a loss of what and how to do. A dance session at the sink settles my nerves and erratic thoughts. By the end all the scrambled thinking falls into their rightful places like – pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. I feel such pleasure at this moment. I sink into it so that I can remember and conjure it up when there are no dishes to do.

In the moment, I am in the flow. I am one with the Universe. In the moment, I know what and how to do. The words and ideas find their way to me. And I tap them onto the page before they are lost.

WAKING UP

Posted on December 22, 2023 by hafong

I have not been feeling like myself for awhile. How long I can’t tell. You know how it is when life happens and you have to respond. Things creep up and your usual self slowly erodes. Other times you get hit with a monkey wrench. You get knocked to the ground. You learn how to get up but things are never the same. You give your whole being into surviving. You live and you think you are doing hunky-dory. Then you wake up.

So this is where I am at. I’m waking up as from an enchanted sleep to find things and I have not been so hunky-dory. For one thing I’ve lost the pleasure of doing anything. I feel overwhelmed and tired just thinking about it. Perhaps that’s the thing – overthinking. The other trouble is that I’m getting more forgetful. It’s frightful – enough to wake me up to do something about it. It’s easy and comfortable to coast, to scroll and let social media and Prime Video entertain and comfort me. There’s no risk of failure or rejection. But it does kill the brain and spirit.

I’ve waken up and stepping out again into my old self. I want to be a better version, a new self. I’m finding Atomic Habits a helpful tool. I’m a self-help junkie. I have to be careful not to get addicted to just gathering self-help books and courses. I have to work it. Being only 3 days in, it is too early to brag but I have shown up every day and writing. I am exercising my dendrites to snap more efficiently. And I am starting to feel pleasure in doing again. It’s an awesome start.

MY FIRST CHRISTMAS

Posted on December 21, 2023 by hafong

I will always remember my first Christmas and year in Canada. My father and his cousin had a cafe in Maidstone, Saskatchewan. We (my parents, my sister and I) lived on the second floor for the first while. We had 2 adjoining rooms. Cousin Gary and his wife and their nephew also shared the upstairs. That first Christmas did not really leave a huge or any impression on me. There was a tree, what you might call a Charlie Brown one, in the dining room. My sister and I got our pictures snapped in front of it as you can see.

But we did not celebrate with presents, baking and a Christmas meal – not that I can remember. The tree was on display for customers. I was too young and new in Canada to be disappointed or have any feelings about the whole Christmas thing. Those came later. We moved out of the cafe into a tiny house in the back of the cafe when my brother came along. That Christmas we didn’t have a tree, presents or any of what you would do for Christmas. We were poor though I didn’t know it. I was still unimpressed and unaffected.

Our fortune slowly improved. We moved to a bigger house with a living room and 2 bedrooms. I had my own bedroom for a short while until our grandparents came to live with us. Then I had the top of a bunkbed while my sister had the bottom in the living room. My baby brother shared with my mother. My father stayed at the cafe during the week. By that time we had a Christmas tree and some new clothes.

It was about that time I started feeling a ‘gap’ between me and the universe, that I did not fit in. And I’m missing out. Embarrassment is perhaps what I felt. Now I’m back where I began long ago – no Christmas tree and no presents. I’m also not impressed or affected. I’m no longer embarrassed if I’m not fitting in. I’m not totally humbug though. I believe in the spirit of Christmas. It can be celebrated in many ways and on all days.

WORD MAGIC AND HABITS

Posted on December 20, 2023 by hafong

Once again I’m enticed by words, by how they can tease me into wakefulness and thoughts. I am better with them than without. In the language of gurus, words ground me. I’ve been a little lost and forgetful since I’ve lapsed my writing practice. I’ve found my way back, seeking the magic and comfort in the tapping of my keyboard.

I’m going to stay on course. My short term plan is to show up daily from now till the end of January. I’m pumped by James Clear’s Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones. It’s a very easy and interesting read. One valuable thing he said was that it’s not goal setting that’s the ticket. It’s the system we use to get to the goal. It makes sense. It should be easy to test it.

I already have a goal of writing every day till the end of January. In order to succeed, I have to show up at my keyboard every day and write. The best times for me would be in the morning or early afternoon. By late afternoon, I am drained physically and mentally. I shall not be too ambitious and aim for the stars. I shall have coffee chats to start off with. Who know where chats can go, eh?

SO THIS IS CHRISTMAS

Posted on December 19, 2023 by hafong

So this is Christmas. John Lennon is singing in my head. And what have you done? Another year older. A new one’s just begun. So this is Christmas. I hope you had fun.

So this is Christmas. It is yet to come in 6 days. I can’t say that I’ve always had fun. I’m singing that old song again – feeling pretentious, guilty, left out. I think it’s time I let go of these feelings. I’ve given some time on rethinking Christmas and what it’s true meaning. Here’s what one internet site says: Because Christmas is about the birth of God’s Son – Jesus. It is about how he came to give us love, hope and joy. That message doesn’t change from year to year. It seems like a very good message.

And so this is Christmas. I’m another year older. What have I done? I’m thinking in terms of giving love, hope and joy. I’m counting and adding in my head. It’s not so much but it’s not too little. I feel that whatever I can muster up is enough. I can always add a little more when I can.

So this is Christmas. I’ve had some fun, and a bit of hope. I feel joy I am making an effort. And I feel love all around.

ONE OF THOSE NIGHTS

Posted on November 22, 2023 by hafong

I’m having one of those nights when my restless spirit won’t let me sleep. I hate it for stirring me up with useless circular thoughts going round and round and I can’t stop this train. What happened to the brakes? Aren’t I in control?

I wrestled quietly in bed. Can’t decide whether I should stay or get up. Which is better. My indeciveness is making me more agitated. I get mad. I get up. I cannot contain myself. So now I am tapping to calm myself. Maybe I can tap myself to sleep. I would like to have a cup of tea but that would keep me up going to the bathroom all night. I miss my youth when that thought would not even enter my head. And I would drink tea all night long.

Do you have such nights? And what would you do? I don’t mean to complain. I don’t have these nights very often. I get irritated when I do. I like to get up early in the morning. That’s the best part of my day. And when I can’t sleep, I won’t be bright eyed and bushy tail. I have an exercise class at 7 am. Surely my tail will sag. Maybe I should hit the sack again and will myself to sleep.

onethousandandtwo

Looking at Infinity

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