What I now know for sure is that later never comes, I can’t do/have everything and that I can never get on top of things. After years and years of trying and talking about it, I’ve finally come to my senses and let life evolve as it will. Of course, I still want to have a little foresight, put in some effort to minimize chaos and as much damage as I can. But things can go all to hell despite all my best efforts. I’ve learned not to blame myself, knowing that I’ve done my best. If I could have done better, I would have. Who wouldn’t?

I’m reading Four Thousand Weeks, Time Management for Mortals by Oliver Burkeman. It’s not the usual self-help book on how to get more done. Quite the opposite! It’s from this book that I’ve realized it’s impossible to get on top of everything and that I can’t do/have it all. I have to choose how to spend the 4,000 weeks of my life if I was to live to 80. How stupid of me to keep bashing myself all these years, failing and yet not stopping. And so I keep reading and taking courses that tells me the same damn things over and over. Didn’t someone say that it’s dumb to expect different results from doing the same things? I’m always the slow and late learner.

It’s good that you can teach an old dog new tricks. I can’t really say I’ve turned over a new leaf, not all my leaves anyways. Learning new ways, learning to stop the not so good/wise ways is not easy. Changing is tiring. So a little each day with lots of rest and relaxation in between. And lots of TLC for myself.