Tag Archives: stirring the pot

WHAT CAN I DO?

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Sometimes if we ask ourselves the right questions, they can propel us forward instead of sinking in our personal mud holes. I asked myself this morning what can I do. What can I do not to slide backwards? What can I do to become the person I will like? What can I do to be a positive instead of a negative? What can I do? What can I do?

What can I do? was my echoing cry. Not much really. I am not capable of gigantic leaps or heroic deeds. I am helpless and hopeless amidst the shakers and movers of the world. I am but an inchworm inching along life’s path. I am unseen among the shining stars on the world’s stage. So I pound my chest and ask, What can I do to matter?

I hear no answers. There is but dead air. So I scratch my head and think for myself. I have to matter to myself. The next question is what matters to me? What brings a smile to my lips? What makes me feel generous? What makes me want to give of myself? What makes me feel soft and kind inside? What makes me cry? The questions bring more questions. They are stirring the pot within. I feel the broom going round and round inside. Answers swirl within, some articulate and some not. I am not yet prepare to see and acknowledge them.

I have always felt so urgent at fixing things – as if I must. As if my life depends on it. Now I am questioning myself. Does anything need fixing? And is it my job to do so? Can I just leave things alone? I can. I can let the pot full of questions sit and simmer for awhile. Let them answer for themselves. That is what I can do.

 

 

STIRRING THE POT

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I can’t say I’ve done any better today. It’s been a cloudy, wet Saturday. It was one of those days to curl up with a good book and a mug of hot chocolate. And I did – sort of. But I was easily distracted by other things like stories on social media.  The book is abandoned and I was chasing a story about a horrific murder. And how did that benefit me? I was not a better person having read it. It darkened my soul and wasted time I could have been reading good literature.

Such is life. Live and learn. How often have I said that? It is the truth though. No use crying over spilt milk. I wasted some time but my morning was well spent. I did the necessities of life. I was in the real world of doing laundry, ridding dog hair and making lunch. I have to make an effort to be more grounded. It’s so easy to lose oneself in virtual reality.

So how am I going to do that? Pinch myself, blink once for yes, twice for no. How am I going to perform the magic of being alive in my own life? I have to admit I have been on the periphery of my own life for the most part. How do you make yourself count when you are an immigrant child of immigrant parents? You don’t speak the language. Your culture is different. You look different. You might be in a melting pot but the ingredients do not blend.

That was my beginning. I’m not crying over spilt milk. I’m stirring the pot to refresh my memories, to find stories, answers, solutions and whatever that comes up. The purpose of this blog, after all, is an archeology dig. But enough digging for now. Tomorrow is another day.