On Change and overcoming myself

Photo by Joaquin Carfagna on Pexels.com

So here’s the thing. I’m trying and trying. But life seems to be getting the best of me. It is full of many little irritations. I get tripped up every single time. I keep falling into the same damned holes. I haven’t learned to take a different street. I’ve read Joe Dispenza’s book Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself more than once. Yet, here I am, still the same. I vow not to fall back in the same hole by reading it again. But I did skim and caught this sentence. “To truly change, you have to become greater than your present self.” It means rising above my current environment, circumstances and emotional habits.

Such a simple concept. It makes alot of sense and yet not so easy to implement. Here’s some pointers on how:

  • Surpassing your environment. Think greater than how you feel.
  • Break the habit of being yourself. Try a different personality. Change how you think, act and feel.
  • Living in the future. Live as if your desired future is already a reality.
  • Rewiring the brain. You can change your brain through contemplation and mental rehearsal to reflect a desired future experience.

In this moment of recognizing how hard it is to change I am more opened to accepting people as they are. It is a lightbulb moment. I tend to have high standards and hold everybody to them. While having high standards is not a bad thing, it is not always good to hold others to them. I am too rigid, leaning into perfectionism. I could cut myself some slack, too.

DAY 13 UBC – WHAT IF I JUST SIT

What if I Just Sit

The bread is in the oven. They will be done in 30 minutes. I have a bit of a breather. Even when you think you got it together, it’s still an all day affair. There’s just no way around it . I’ve been doing this same recipe for almost 9 years. I know it by heart and the knead of it. I’ve learned to give myself over to this bake bread day. I do savour the breaks in the process.

Usually I like to sit and sip my tea and scroll or read. This morning none of that was appealing. I thought why don’t I just sit. Why don’t I? It was easier said than done. I think my brain has been slowly eroded and reprogrammed by all our technology. It felt peculiar to just sit and stare into space. I felt my impatient self talking. Now what? I can’t just sit. I felt my brain doing a scan. I don’t want to read anything. I don’t want to scroll on my iPhone. What is it that I want to do?

My head is talking to itself. I have only 30 minutes before I have to tend to the dough. Think fast. What can I do? My Jesus cross stitch flashed through my mind. But how much can I do? Now I have less than 30 minutes. Then I hear my mother’s voice talking about a bucket filling with one drop at a time. So I translated that into a stitch at a time. I dug out my Jesus kit. Once upon a few years ago, I said I would have it done by Christmas. I can make it this Christmas. I have two and a half months. It’s never too late until it is.

I get about 8 cross stitches done and my timer went off. I was just getting back into the hang of it. But I had to tend to the dough. I didn’t quite hop up right away. It was a bright sunny morning and the sunroom was warm and such a delight. I didn’t tarry long but when I walked into the kitchen, I was greeted by an over eager and over festive dough. Eeeek!

I haven’t sat much after that till now. But it’s all water under the bridge. The loaves are baked and cooling their heels on my new racks. All the clean up is done. Why don’t I just sit for a little bit longer, eh? I feel a bit done.