Tag Archives: Pandora’s Box

SITTING AND STAYING – day 108 in a year of…

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Day 108, November 10, 2016 @1007 pm

img_8343Another sunny morning.  The sun rose again.  I sit and observe, feeling all there is, not trying to understand or fix anything.  Life is as it is.  I am still in this spaciousness of now.  I am grateful for this gift.  I am grateful for this life.

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The sun is filling me up with light and optimism.  I am strong enough to enter the messiness of my life.  I am able to feel all the ‘uglies’ I’ve been unwilling to face.  I can sit and stay with the nausea, the revulsion rising up, the tremors, the chills and sweats of my body. They are sensations.  Like everything else, they pass.  I have chosen to do different.  I accept the consequences.  Doing the same had made me ill.  Now I am healing myself.

lvko1328I am opening one Pandora’s Box at a time.  No scary Jack jumped out at me.  I breathe a sigh of relief. What I found instead was the soft child in me.  I rescued that child and held her once more in my heart space.  I am my own mother.

RE-WRITING, RE-WIRING

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I am trying get back up to speed.  I am trying to pick up where I have left off.  I hope my words come back.  It is an exercise, you know – this tapping out my thoughts, my angst, my loves and hates.  The feel of the keys beneath my fingertips is rhythmic and soothing.  It’s like a drumming, like a song and dance coaxing the letters and words onto the page.

How am I doing with my shoe boxes and drawers of dread?  Today I am braving my fears. I am daring enough to open Pandora’s Box to look inside.  I have survived the first round. The shoe have dropped and nothing catastrophic has happened – no explosions nor Jack coming out of his box.  It is like waking up from a dream.  There is no destruction.  It’s the hurricane that never happened.

Image-1Life is like a dream in my head.  I have to live and just stop thinking and analyzing so much.  The stuff in my head can lead me astray.  They are falsehoods and impostors posing as the real meal deal.  I will not follow them down the yellow brick road.  My heart is my true North Star.  I know it will not lead me astray.  When I am lost and in doubt, I always listen to my heart and that gut feeling.

This month of November has been long and gruelling. I am not too proud to ask for help.  So I send out my smoke signals and SOS.  I haven’t been a good girl guide nor sailor in the past, choosing instead to suffer in silent pride.  I have fallen many times.  It is a testimony to the saying pride goeth before fall.

I sip my Chai, tapping out my words.  I am listening to the beat of my heart and the whisper of the Universe.  I am re-writing through a different picture frame, wanting to see my glass half full instead of half empty. Tap, tap, tap.  The letters and words come painstakingly slow onto my page.  I feel the keys beneath my fingertips.  I hear the tap, tap in my head, clearing debris, making space for ideas and good thoughts.  December is going to be an awesome month.