I’m still procrastinating but I’m also still trying to overcome. It’s not easy while I’m surrounded by gizmos for distraction. I’m no better than the kids. If there’s a button to push or scroll, I will do it. After many minutes, I wonder what my purpose was. Is there a pot of gold/knoweledge/wisdom at the end? No. So after all that I’m tapping on my keyboard to find my own wisdom.

I’m finding that my concentration power is ever decreasing. It’s difficult and painful to sit and read every word of a post/article. That’s one valuable thing I’ve learned this morning. Though I try to concentrate, my eyes and mind cannot be still. They flit ahead to the next sentence and paragraph willy nilly. It’s not good. I have no order in my surroundings or in my mind. I have/want to get my mind back. I have/want to stop pushing/scrolling willy nilly. My life time is getting shorter. I don’t want to be a robot.

Pirouettes by Mark Nepo

Some days, the simplest tasks
seem weighty and endless:
make the bed, tuck in the sheet,
make the coffee, stir, and drink,
find the bills, pay the bills.

Some weeks, the days blur:
get on the plane, get off the plane,
get in the car, get out of the car,
sign in here, sign out there.

Then, I got your email saying:
Isn’t this all a blessing?

We get to make the bed
and tuck in the sheet.
We get to make the coffee
and stir it and drink.

I emailed you back:
What’s the difference?

You called me up and said:
“Oh my friend, if we can just
keep falling down and getting up,
it all becomes a dance.”

Of course, I’m still procrastinating. I’ve written the above words many days ago. Never finished. Never published. I could have, should have. All the could haves and should haves don’t mean beans. I talk about a new plan. I really don’t have one. I’m still going at it willy nilly. I can’t help but feel a little down-in-a-hole-I can’t get-out-of.

It’s another day. I’m still working on this piece. I have to remember that it’s end of August. It’s still dark at 6 in the morning. I feel the darkness in my bones. It’s part of my nature. There’s nothing to do but keep moving, breathing in and out and keep on tapping on my keyboard. I am sure I am not alone in this.