Tag Archives: neighbours

THE LINE OF RESPECT

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It is Saturday morning.  Breakfast and dishes are done.  I am sitting here with my second cup of tea.  Somewhere in downtown Saskatoon, there is a big rally on defending our climate, defend our communities.  I am not there.  There are too many things to defend.  You have to choose your battles, or I should say, defenses.

The world is running amok.  I have just finished watching Jon Stewart on YouTube.  He has a field day with President Obama and Toronto’s mayor Rob Ford.  The show is funny.  Jon Stewart is funny.  Maybe Obama deserves it.  Rob Ford certainly does. If it is true that Ford ran the city better while on cocaine, alcohol and what have yous, than the others, what does that say about the others?

While I liked and respected Jon Stewart, I had a distaste in my mouth after watching the show.  He was too gleeful.  I can understand that joy he displayed at another human being’s downfall.  I have felt that myself once or twice.  I tried not to put it on public display, remembering, ‘There but for the grace of God, go I”.

Closer to home, I still have difficulties with my neighbour, Teri.  After many unsuccessful attempts at ‘mending our fence’,  I decided to adopt a ‘let it be’ attitude.  If she wants to keep shoving her snow onto my yard through my Junipers, let her.  I will clear it away from the house in the spring.  If she wants to blare her music, it is okay.  It is winter.  My windows are closed.  I have learned to look at the problem in a different way,  thanks to Byron Katie’s tachings.  I now see her as a gift, a reminder to me that you cannot change a person.  Only they can change themselves.

What would you do, even after letting it be, that person still does not go away?  That was my dilemma yesterday.  Teri’s new man was trying to tear out our little fence, on our own property that we put up to keep her from driving into our trees.  She had expressed that it was ugly and for us to take it down.  She said that someone had told her to just rip it out.

Imagine my surprise when I saw her man doing that.  I was frozen momentarily.  Can I let it be?  Well, I could not.  I can let go, let be, but I cannot let someone disrepect me.  I ran down the stairs, Sheba on my heels.  I opened the door, being careful not to let Sheba run out the street.  I had not known what I was going to say or do.  I called out to him:  “Excuse me, what is your name?”

I could see that he had a pleasant kind face.  He looked uncertain as what to do.  I kept a big smile in my voice, “We’re neighbours so we should at least know each other’s names.”

“My name is Robert.”  He finally said.  “You will be seeing me around.”

“Please to meet you,”  I smiled.  “I would appreciate it if you do not touch our stuff “, pointing to the fence.

He said that he ran into it night before and was putting it back.  I did not contradict him, that we saw him pulling it out further.  I told him he should be careful as one of my shrubs had been ran over and flattened.  I did not tell him we already have plans of replacing it with more Junipers in the spring.

So far, so good.  No further attempts.  No words from Teri.  I have to respect and  stand up for myself.  I will not be at all surprised if our fence goes missing before spring.  BUT now, I can let it be.

DOG WITH A BONE

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Sometimes I am like Sheba with a bone.  I hang onto to my ‘bad’ feelings with all my might, not letting go.  That is my perception.  That is how I feel inside.  When you live alone, life is much easier in a sense.  You don’t have to worry about these feelings bubbling through.  You are alone.  You have no witnesses and dogs can’t tattle on you.

There is always two sides to everything.  On the flip side, it is nice to have someone around to make you a cup of tea, to give you a hug, to do all those things you are not capable of in those moments.  He does not have to agree with you on everything or anything.  But acceptance and acknowledgement of  your feelings are necessary.  It is called respect.

I have the misfortune of being surrounded by ‘difficult’ neighbours in the last few years.  I do not feel that I have done anything to attract these people.  I think it is my lot in life to help these unfortunate people.  I am not happy about it , but it is where I am.  I might as well recognize and acknowledge it, unwilling as I am for the role.

It is winter again and we have had a couple of heavy snowfalls.  And my neighbour is happily shoveling ALL the snow off her driveway onto my yard, even after all the times I’ve asked her not to.  The first year she moved in, she was throwing the snow over the fence into my back yard.  What kind of person does that kind of thing?  This year she is saying that she is doing me a favour by watering my grass with her snow!  My grass is crappy, she says.  But I don’t want all the extra snow besides my own in my yard.  The spring melt causes moisture to seep through my foundation and I’ve had to replace rotten floor boards in my basement.

But how do you talk to a person like my neighbour, who insists that the snow will be gone in two days and she is doing me a favour?  It reminds me of times when one of my managers phoned to deny my request for vacation.  After she denies me, she proceeded to tell me that I have so much vacation time and that I need to use some.  But, but…..! And yet I had to take the vacations which I am denied.  Huh?

In the end, I yelled at my neighbour.  I called her a f’ing b___.  That was what she was…a user, putting on the ritz,  the wiggle and the tears when she wants something from you.   I told her that we will no longer be taking out her garbage and bringing it back when she is away.  She can no longer come to borrow things.  I reminded her that I’ve watched her house when she was away.  I had overlooked her past bad behaviour and had embraced her with loving kindness.  And she showed no respect for me.

Helping people does not mean you have to let them bully you.  That has been my mistake.  I do feel people’s pain and that is not always a good thing.  That is another one of my mistakes.  I have allowed people to make me feel that unless I do this or that, then I am not a good person, a kind person, a generous person…And who can do all those things without anger building, simmering and finally exploding?  So perhaps these neighbours are put here to help me recognize that I’ve been a doormat for people to clean their dirty shoes on.  Well, they better get their own doormats from now on.

So I’ve written to the City of Saskatoon to inquire what the bylaws are for snow removal and my rights.  I have attached photos of my neighbour’s driveway and her lawn and my lawn.  I have not asked them to do anything about the situation, just wanting to know my rights for the time being.  I am open and willing to accept positive changes without coercion.  I am willing still to extend loving kindness to this neighbour.  I am willing to let go and forgive.

But I will not be a doormat.