I will always remember my first Christmas and year in Canada. My father and his cousin had a cafe in Maidstone, Saskatchewan. We (my parents, my sister and I) lived on the second floor for the first while. We had 2 adjoining rooms. Cousin Gary and his wife and their nephew also shared the upstairs. That first Christmas did not really leave a huge or any impression on me. There was a tree, what you might call a Charlie Brown one, in the dining room. My sister and I got our pictures snapped in front of it as you can see.

But we did not celebrate with presents, baking and a Christmas meal – not that I can remember. The tree was on display for customers. I was too young and new in Canada to be disappointed or have any feelings about the whole Christmas thing. Those came later. We moved out of the cafe into a tiny house in the back of the cafe when my brother came along. That Christmas we didn’t have a tree, presents or any of what you would do for Christmas. We were poor though I didn’t know it. I was still unimpressed and unaffected.

Our fortune slowly improved. We moved to a bigger house with a living room and 2 bedrooms. I had my own bedroom for a short while until our grandparents came to live with us. Then I had the top of a bunkbed while my sister had the bottom in the living room. My baby brother shared with my mother. My father stayed at the cafe during the week. By that time we had a Christmas tree and some new clothes.

It was about that time I started feeling a ‘gap’ between me and the universe, that I did not fit in. And I’m missing out. Embarrassment is perhaps what I felt. Now I’m back where I began long ago – no Christmas tree and no presents. I’m also not impressed or affected. I’m no longer embarrassed if I’m not fitting in. I’m not totally humbug though. I believe in the spirit of Christmas. It can be celebrated in many ways and on all days.