Tag Archives: joie de vivre

WHAT AND HOW

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I haven’t done very well at all at starting, never mind starting over. I am stuck at the starting line forever and a day. Each day I would say later, then it’s tomorrow. And tomorrow never comes. But I’m finally sitting before my keyboard – to see if I can locate that unstuck button and get to GO.

I am not afraid but am ashamed to say I’m not feeling any joie de vivre -no exuberant enjoyment of life at the moment. I wonder where it all went. I feel grey and detached like dirty dishwater. But not to worry. I am not standing on any high ledges and in danger of falling over. I am stuck. I do not need to be rescued. I am just doing some heavy sighing, not complaining or feeling sorry for myself.

Life and some relationships are long journeys. Even if you are in paradise, there’s bound to be some troubles. I say it’s good to bitch a little, to say it as it is. But I am careful (if I’m mindful) to rant in a safe place to a safe person. When I’m miffed, I just need an ear, not advice. I don’t want someone to disagree with me and give me a lecture. It makes me feel worse. I feel angrier and therefore a bad person. I want that someone to be on my side no matter what and not defend the other. Too much to ask for, I know.

So I am just sighing and pondering on the what could give me back that excitement of just being alive and how to get there. I am proud that I’ve at least come back to my safe space and tap out a few words. Words always had some magic for me. Words and pictures. Cross my fingers for some magic to come my way.

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MY DAILY CHAT

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I’m beginning to enjoy my daily chatter as much as my daily draw. So far it is pleasurable and relaxing. There is no one to interrupt my steady rhythmic tapping of the keys. I get things off my chest and work out a few kinks in my head. It’s all good stuff. It’s a good practice. It’s much better than seeking understanding from another. We all want to be heard and understood but it is very difficult to see and hear with an objective eye and ear. I find most people can’t even wait for the other person to finish his sentence before jumping in with their own story. We are all too human. We want to tell our stories much more than hear someone else’s. It is wise to pay for a therapist when we are in dire need of being heard and understood.

I’m feeling a little more joie de vivre today. I’m feeling a little more peppy and it’s not all due to the spicy and sour wonton soup I had for lunch. It helps some. Every little thing helps. So no matter how I feel, I get up, dress up and show up. Most mornings I show up at the Wildwood Golf Course to cross country ski. And this morning I did the best and longest ski ever since I took up the sport in November of 2020. I am still not what you call a good skier but I have the ambition and drive to improve myself every single time I’m out there. I’m feeling jubilant having skied the whole inside track, minus one very steep hill. I walked up, then down that one. There’s no shame in being safe and smart.

CLEARING

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It’s another log- rolling out of bed, achy and crusty-eyed morning. Almost 7 and it is dark. The sun has not risen. Still, I am a happy camper. I’m minus that yucky, sense of dread in the body feeling. Have you ever had it? Sometimes I wake with it for whatever reason. I do not chase it. I let it be. It is a feeling to be felt like any other. That is it.

Though achy, stiff and plodding, I am full of joie de vivre inside. I am excited by too many ideas. My mind is splintered in all directions. I had to stop its thoughts and take some slow deep breaths. Waiting for kettle to boil, I stand erect, aligning all my chakras one on top of another. I close my eyes, my mind is cleared. I see the white light going through the center of my head all the way down to my toes. I’ve cleared the clutter. I’ve emptied my mind. My pathways are swept clean. The day begins.

The sun has come out. It is another beautiful August morning. A little cool and windy, but perfect nevertheless. There’s soup to be made, garden to tend, harvest to reap, art to be made….What is on for your day?