Here it is, 5 pm already. I’m sitting here with my cup of tea and a large serving of rhubarb crisp. I won’t be a slim Jim Jean any time soon. I guess it is not that important to me. I rather stay reasonably calm and sane with food than a starving screaming Barbie Doll. I have been screaming some. But somehow a screaming chubby woman seems more attractive than a screeching skinny Minny. Of course, I’m justifying, trying to make myself feel better.  There’s something to be said for self control and courage. I really admire Lexi Reed of FatGirlFedUp for having lost 300 pounds on her own. She has a very inspiring story.

Things are not as dire as I sound. Today I awoke with no pain in my left hand. I did not have to pry and snap my ring finger straight as I have been the last couple of months. No pain is good. One less thing to rag about. It does not make me an attractive woman at all. Another good thing is the temperature is normal. No extreme heat to fire me up, then wear me down. Life is good as they say. Any yay! No more summer cold or bad cough.

My brain and temperament are cooled to optimum. Going to Mass yesterday gave me peace. Today I am able to put aside everything that is unnecessary and focus on the necessary. My pile of life have been waiting patiently on my desk to be delt with. It’s surprising how much energy it takes to sort, scrutinize, answer, write out the cheques, put them in envelopes and file away the records. Then there are items that needed tending online – downloading and filing into folders, changing my charge card number and notifying the appropriate payees. This part of life is not romantic at all. But at the end of it, I feel a sense of satisfaction. I care enough about myself to tend to the matters. There have been times when I haven’t. I just let things to happen to me. I was lazy.

I’ve turned over a new leaf. I expect I will slip now and again. I won’t promise I won’t ever scream again. I would if I could be guaranteed not to be ever sick or stressed again. I have been sorry too many times already. I want to cut down those numbers. Whoever wrote that “Love means never having to say you’re sorry” must know what he’s talking about. Maybe it only applies in movies, to Ryan O’neal and Ali MacGraw. What do you think about that line? You’re probably too young to know the movie Love Story. It is kind of sappy.