Tag Archives: grandparents

WRITING BADLY AND OTHER INADEQUACIES

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I have a million things to do but here I sit, tapping listlessly. It’s 26 degrees Celsius outside. Too hot to take the fur ball for her walk and too late to go to the river. Guess we will wait till it the sun goes down a bit. It’s good day for the solar panels. Making electricity while the sun shines.

I feel a tad melancholy. No worries though. It’s not as bad as my writing. I do have some good news. I had a dental appointment this morning. Teeth cleaned and buffed. No cavities! I’ve set up lawn mowing service for my parents for the summer. Their insurance claim for house damages from last summer’s hail storm dealt with. Contractors to do repairs set up. It does help to solve problems as they come up and do follow ups. Less build up of stress. Today I can afford to mope – but not for long.

Things/life never let up. I know that now. I cannot get blindsided. I know how things go. What goes up must come down. That is gravitas/gravity. I wish I could be less grave, be more light-hearted. But I seem to dwell in the valley of seriousness. I hate frivolity. I can’t even imagine being jocular. Can I blame it on my childhood? What if I told you that my paternal grandmother was a very grumpy person. She didn’t like girls. Good thing she had 3 sons and no daughters. I think she nattered at me alot when I was small. My father was/is a grumpy person also. I’ve heard the story of how he tossed me out on the steps in one of his moods. I was 2 years old. So I got my grumpiness quite honestly – through my genetics. Does that get me off the hook?

Then there’s my maternal grandparents. They literally had to run for their lives – from the Communists. My grandfather got away to Hong Kong. So they put my grandmother in jail instead. It’s a story I’ve told before. Both of them have passed now but they had a few good years reunited with their children, including my mother, in New York City. Their story is in our marrow forever. We are a very serious family.

That is not to say that I/we don’t experience joy. Just don’t expect me to be gleeful in an exuberant manner. I always feel guilty and lacking for not being ‘that’. At the same time, I am not full of gloom and doom. Though I might sometimes sound like I’m apt to leap off a cliff, I am not ‘that’ either. I think it’s not the writer’s feelings the reader is interpreting but rather his or her own. I am a hopeful person mostly. That surprises me, too!

 

ANCESTRAL HEALING

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Day 6

From Kat McNally:

Reverb15 Day 6: ancestral healing (a special guest post from Cindy Mearns)

Today’s prompt and image come from Cindy Mearns. In the new year, Cindy will be helping me to map out my ancestry… and shine light on the gifts and wounds I carry and transmit through the next generation. I am thrilled to be sharing Cindy’s considerable gifts with the Reverb15 community.

Cindy writes:

As each year progresses, we unknowingly gather many thoughts, beliefs, and patterns to us. In fact, what we are carrying may have been passed down to us from previous generations.

Looking at the thoughts and patterns that may be holding you back from living the life you want, trace back through the generations of your family and see if your beliefs originated generations ago.

In 2016, how can you bring healing to these patterns of thought that are holding you back?

~~~~~~

IMG_3339I hold my maternal grandparents in the highest esteem.  Everything that I am, have been comes from them through their DNA, through the stories my mother tells me.  I feel them in my very marrow.  That is not to say, I don’t feel my paternal heritage.  I just don’t feel them as strong.  My father have never told me any stories.

My grandfather was a man of letters, a stern schoolmaster.  He was revered, respected and loved as well.  He passed on the magic of words to me.  I love the power and beauty of them, how you can paint pictures and stir up emotions with them.  They have the ability to hurt and heal.  I have been hurt by other people’s words, but I have saved my life with mine.  I am careful with my words.  I respect what they can do.

My grandmother was a very courageous woman.  She survived Mao Tse Tung’s regime. Many things are done in the name of/for the cause when a country is in a revolution as China was.  My grandparents were victims of such.  My grandfather escaped with his life but in his place my grandmother was jailed.  Her strength and faith enabled her to live. She believed that the heavens would save her and they did.  She gave me her mettle.

I feel their blood and spirits in me.  I feel them as I am sitting here, tap, tapping out my words.  The Chinese worship their ancestors.  We walk their mountains every year. It is called such because traditionally graves were in the mountains.  We take food, burn incense and paper money, bow and pour libation for them.  To you, my grandparents. Rest in heavenly peace and look down/after me once in awhile.