ON ADVERSITY

It’s day 15th, the half way mark, of the Ultimate Blog Challenge. It feels like forever. I’m counting again. Today we are talking about adversity. It’s a topic that I’m sure all of us are familiar with. It’s the running mate of stress. We encounter it as soon as we step out the door. It is defined as:

Adversity is a state of hardship, difficulty, or misfortune that one deals with in life. There are six types of adversity that one can face, and facing adversities in life can break or make a person. It may lead one person to improve their life by finding ways around their challenges, or it may lead another person to turn to drugs or alcohol to lessen the psychological toll that their hardships cause.”

The 6 types are physical, mental, emotional, social, spiritual and financial. I’m sure I’ve gone through the whole lot. I would like to think adversity made me instead of broken me. Breaking may be the first step in mending and healing. And who is to say we aren’t the stronger for it. I met physical adversity very young, at age 2. I suffered severe burn to my left arm up to the elbow. It took a long time to heal ending in a huge scar. I remember my memory of the incident and bicycle trips to the doctor. But I do not have memory of the physical pain. I have full function of my arm but suffered body image pain in my adolescence. I wore long sleeves even in the heat of summer. I got over it when I went into nursing.

I guess I can lump the mental, emotional and social aspects into one. I can see how all those things developed. I never ‘saw’ my father till I was 6. And I was a stranger in a strange land at age 8, having immigrated to Canada. There were only 2 other Chinese families in our town. Then my parents moved to NYC and I decided to stay and start university in Saskatoon. I felt a deep loneliness even though I had 3 roommates, 2 from my hometown. I don’t think adversities are all ‘bad’. It is just how life developed and was. They added textures to my life. They are giving me something to talk about for this post.

I did suffered depression in adulthood and sought medical and psychological help. Who haven’t? Life is f**ing hard. Nursing is a hard profession. We do eat our young. Women do not always make good managers then. At least not some I’ve encountered. They did not help nor have compassion. Rather they slice you open and cut you off at the knees. I’m only speaking of my own personal experience. I’m none the worse for wear though. I stayed in it for over 30 years. I know I loved my work. I would not have stayed otherwise, not for any amount of money.

Have I told you before that I almost flunked out of nursing training? Well, I almost did. I was going through a bad marriage, worried about money, had a part time job and was not cutting it on my clinical. I can’t remember what I had done wrong but on an evening shift my instructor told me I was flunking. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. I told her I quit. I had to stay behind after the shift. We had a long talk. She had to give me a ride home that evening because my ride was long gone. She told me I still have time to pull up my socks but I had to quit my part time job. The school would help me get a loan. I pulled up my socks and graduated.

I’m proud to say that I don’t lack in spirituality. I’m tenacious. I’ve always had the faith in myself and the world. Adversity have fortified rather than broken me.

HOW TO BE HAPPY FOR DUMMIES

If I was able to come up with a one-fit-all post/formula for happiness, I bet I would get a lot of traffic and maybe money. Alas! This dummy does not have that ability. I’m just barely scratching the surface of it for myself – like a frustrated old hen.

How does one define happiness anyways? Is it just the absence of sadness, a full belly, clothes on the back and a roof over the head? I have it all except maybe I’m a tad sad now and then. I have bouts of dissatisfaction, anger, disappointment, pain, mental anguish….I am not sure if there is an end to my list. Does this disqualify me from the happy crowd? Then there’s my childlessness and, of course, grandchildrenless. And lack of a husband most of my life. Not that I have one now. I have what is called a ‘companion.’ Somehow I feel I lack the legitimacy and respect of being a mother or wife.

There are so many things that could exclude me from the happiness club. But I feel oddly at ease and peace with myself today doing the mundane business of living amid the chaos of clutter, dog hair and a dog padding behind me wherever I went. I feel almost like I was happy. I AM happy, come to think of it. I enjoy the simpleness and slowness of my life. I have no one to answer to or impress –  except myself now that I am an adult, a senior citizen on a pension. Once upon a time, that alone commands respect.

  1. I guess the number one in my Happiness Manual would be to respect myself.
  2. Be responsible for myself. It’s not possible for someone else to make me feel ‘happy’ or unhappy. They could give me some help but I would only accept the help that lift me up. I would turn down the others.
  3. My favourite is from Regina Brett’s God Never Blinks. No matter how I feel, get up, dress up and show up.
  4. I have a Sheba/pet/plant/something living. I take good loving care of them.
  5. Bake bread, make soup, and maybe learn how to cook like Jamie Oliver. I haven’t got that kind of patience – yet.
  6. Make art, music, sew, knit, crochet…I continue to learn something new creatively.
  7. I joined an aerobics/exercise class. I do yoga and qigong sometimes.
  8. I learnt how to swim and ride a bicyle. I did both when I was well passed adulthood. I started in the Absolute Terrified swim class. Took me a whole summer to learn how to float. I was in a bad depression, too. The other morning I swam 10 lengths in 15 minutes and then went to my step aerobics class. I can ride a bike but I still need more practice to feel comfortable.
  9. Read crime thrillers and scary books. They calm me and take me out of myself into a different world.
  10. I could go on and on. There are so many ways for us dummies to be happy if we give it some thought. Above all else, we can always love ourselves more. We don’t have to go shopping or a spa to do it. I just hug myself and the fur baby.
  11. Oh, one more. I try always to speak in the first person singular. It’s all about me.

How does your manual read?