Tag Archives: bullies

STILL SINGING MY OLD SONGS

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It’s another Saturday morning. In my previous life, I think of my weekly morning swim. In this life, I think it is the day that Sheba’s left. Today it is 6 weeks. It’s short and long at the same time. I’ve had her for almost 14 years. Those years seemed to have gone in split second. I feel as if I’m left with nothing. I know it is probably part of the grieving process. Knowing things will get better does not make it easier. It is what it is.

Life truly can be difficult even in ordinary times. Now that there is no more ordinary or normal, bad neighbours add a heavy load to the challenge. I am coping as best as I can. I’m here breathing in and out, tapping out the stress on my keyboard. I had such hope of getting back my focus each day but I keep getting these curve balls. They’re fast and wicked, catching me off guard and unprepared. I should have known better. I didn’t. Now I’m working on recovering.

I’m still missing Sheba. I’m still irritated with the neighbour but I am not mad. I am obsessed with occupying my own space with confidence and not allowing her to bully me. She is not taking it kindly. I don’t know how successful I am. I am working on remaining calm and not reacting. I try to be smarter and keep silent but sometimes you can only take so much. So here is what happened yesterday morning. I was checking to see that she had not scraped away the ground covers I had planted. She ducked behind her plants and started talking at me. For once I’ve caught her on video and uploaded it on YouTube.

I hesitated and hesitated on putting it out there today but I did. I could not get on with my day otherwise. It must be why an abused woman who stays with her abuser. I was afraid that it would make me look bad, that no one would believe me, and that I’m really the one whose causing all the trouble. It was a light bulb moment. If you allow someone to bully you long enough, you start to believe that it IS all your fault. Bullies, narcissist, pyschopaths have amazing skills in lying and turning everything around on their victims.

I am a little afraid of her but I will stand my ground. I am fed up. I will not take it any more. I am not happy I’m losing sleep, giving her my time and energy. It is what it is. Now that I’ve tapped out these words, I feel lighter and tired. Now maybe I can go back to bed and sleep.

BULLIES – BIG AND SMALL

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Well so much for this October Ultimate Blog Challenge! I have not achieved my goals. I have not lived up to my words. My attention and energy have been drained by dealing with my neighbour. I feel totally defeated and depleted by what has transpired in the last couple of months. In the respect that I am talking about her, I am not respectful or being helpful. But I have always been truthful and hopeful. Better days will come.

There’s much about bullying on our. evening national news on CBC with with stabbing of a 14 year old. The talk will run its course and then what? There’s was the case of Rehteah Parson in 2013. Then there’s Amanda Todd in 2012. These girls committed suicide because of bullying. Now 14 year olds are stabbed to death in Winnipeg and another in Hamilton outside his school. Will this never end? I feel the planet itself is mentally ill and fatally infected. What can we do to help the young people and our planet?

That is why I have/am speaking out. Evil hides in darkness. That is why I have St. Teresa’sprayer with me/in me to safeguard and protect me. He words bring such comfort to me. Let nothing disturb you. Let nothing frighten you. All things are passing. God never changes. Patience obtains all things. She who possesses God lacks nothing. God alone suffices.

Now I have some understanding of how these young people feel when bullied. What chance do they have at their tender age? I am an advanced adult with much more experience and I am suffering from my neighbour’s bullying. That is what it is. Yesterday morning we saw that she, with help from her friend across the street, had totally pulled out our sad little fence – our inconspicious little attempt to protect the mulch around our cedar trees. I wonder why destroying someone’s property should give them such a look of pleasure – a fait accompli as they both marched across the street to the man’s house.

I’ve been experiencing these things from her the last 10 – 12 years. I’m worn out, discouraged and depressed. I’ve had to use a sleeping pill some nights to get to sleep. The ability to sleep is the most important thing for me now. I can work slowly at the other things. So not playing the victim, I’ve already asked the City Bylaws dept. for help. They did give me some advice only regarding weeds. They gave no direct answer to property rights or boundaries. Their advice was to seek lawyer help. Now that it is clearly a case of destruction of property and trespassing, I have filed with the police department. In my present mood, I am not feeling hopeful at the moment.

But I have began to talk to the other neighbours, at least one anyways. I do feel somewhat better. I am exhausted though. I cannot go into it now. My intent here is not a tell-all but maybe someone else is going through this, too. Maybe this will help someone else. Sometimes I feel petty, making too much about nothing. Even though it is not I, who is the aggressor, trespassing, vandalizing, causing mischief, I do feel the guilty one.