Tag Archives: boundaries

VIRTUAL LIVES, VIRTUAL REALITIES

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January 7, 2019  5:44 pm

I’m arriving here late in the day again. It’s difficult to clear my head of the day’s debris and tap clearly and coherently. I’m not a great one for proofreading. I talk faster in my head than I can tap. Mistakes and omissions do occur. Sometimes I don’t even understand what it is that I’m trying to say. But at least I am still trying on this 7th day of the Ultimate Blog Challenge.

A week doesn’t feel that long but when you are counting, it is. There’s 24 more days to January. I will carry/blog/tap on as best as I can. I have to try harder not to get sidetracked by the internet. It sure can gobble up many minutes/hours. Just now I’ve been checking out Hoopla. Really, do I need another app to help me live a more isolated life? I like going to the library. I like to browse the aisles and touch the books, magazines, cds and movies in real time. So why am I so foolish, wasting time on virtual libraries?

I give my head a shake. I’m already shopping more online and taking online courses. Texting is so inconvenient than phoning. I don’t have to worry about disturbing busy lives, taking up peoples times. The World Wide Web connects. I’m meeting people through FB, Instagram and blogsphere from other parts of the world. I’m learning new skills and arts. I have information at my fingertips. The Web is saving me time as well as eating it up time. I just have to be a better keeper of it.

There is the danger of getting lost in cyberspace. Imagine how alluring it is to travel such expanses without leaving the comforts of home. But I still rather have the real thing vs the virtual. I need fences, walls and other boundaries. I don’t believe you can touch the walls in cyberspace. I need walls and floors to walk on. I need to touch and smell the pages of books. I like to smell and taste the texture of food. I can do without the designer perfumes though.

That’s it for another night. Signing off.

Being A Scarecrow and a Scarity Cat

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The noise in my head has subsided. My heart has chilled and slowed as if taken over by a bypass machine. I need the extra oxygen. I need the help and rest. I can let every care go now. Otherwise I will get overtaxed and become ill. The leftover pizzas from yesterday helped. There’s the chocolate chip cookies yet. Thank God for all the carbohydrates! Now I will go and make myself a pot of tea.

I am declaring today my resurrection and independence day. It has been difficult living on tip toes, worried about stepping on others’ toes. In reality it is mine that are being squashed. Being my mother’s daughter, it is just ridiculous to worry about intruding and encroaching on another’s rights/property. I’ve been brought up to bend over backwards to be a good and virtuous person. I’m shedding the scarecrow’s outfit and putting on my righteous outfit.

I’ve not really lived in fear of my sociopath neighbour, but rather in dread. She behaves as she has the right to dictate how and what should or should not be in my yard. She feels no qualm ‘weeding’ or spraying my yard. She has planted a row of young spruce trees on my property next to her driveway. She has taken away things we stored in our yard next to our garage and fence. She thinks it detracts from the beauty of her lawn. Then she thinks it’s alright to put her heavey crates on my property when she has a huge yard and driveway. What harm would they do? She asks. They would scratch her driveway and not good for her lawn though.

If you think I’m sounding petty, maybe I am. I am tired of being pushed emotionally and otherwise by this woman. I’ve been letting her do it for at least 8 years, since she’s moved next door. Things like this tends to spread to other areas of my life. I doubt myself. I wonder if it is me that is being difficult and unfair so I don’t  stand up for myself. I let myself be pushed and manipulated into feeling guilty everywhere.

Well, enough is enough. A straw coat is a fire hazard. I better put on a suit of armour or thicker skin. I don’t really want to fight but I have to stand my ground at some point. I’ve pulled out some of the little spruce trees she’s planted. It’s really a ridiculous situation. I’ve been a scarity cat with no back bone. The other little trees will come out soon. I will call 911 if she gets abusive or/and violent.

A DAY IN MAY

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IMG_2655It’s a cool, grey morning in May.  No dancing sunlight nor shadows on the wall. It’s not my kind of day nor weather.  BUT I am learning to accept.  It is what is here.  It is what is.  I cannot change it.  What I can change is how I see and feel about it.  I do not have to hate and dread it.  It is just a grey cool day.  There is no need to pass judgement on it.  Let the day begin.

I’m having a little trouble finding the words these days.  They do not come readily to my fingertips.  I miss the rhythmic tap on the keyboard.  I miss seeing the letters and words march across the screen.  I miss the process of matching photos to the words and stories.  So now I’m sitting and trying to resuscitate and breathe a little life into these fingers.  No use in sitting and thinking.  Nothing happens unless I move a body part.  This much I know.

IMG_2650Funny how fast things can change and how easily you can lose your equilibrium.  And oh, how difficult it is to get it back!  The harder you try, the faster it slips away.  I am not discouraged.  I am just a little weary. How can I not be with a much spoiled dog trying to run me?  Yes, Sheba is still trying to rule the roost, whimpering through the night.  But we caught on to her tricks and how smart she can be.  She’s teaching me about boundaries and containment.  She is ousted from the bedroom at night.  There are rules and boundaries.  There are rewards for good behaviour.

On this 14th day in May, there is much to be grateful for.  The sun is coming out to lift the grey and warm the day.  Sheba is laying by my chair.  I am breathing out my words and feeling whole.  Everything is as it should be.