Bear with me. What I really want you to know is I hang on to stuff, afraid to let them go. What I’m afraid of is that if I let go of anything, life as I know it will be lost. Sometimes I’m afraid to breathe. What if I breathe wrong? Everything would go amok. So I hold it until I have to let go.

Last night after getting out of my bath, I was brushing my teeth, doing this and that. I saw on my vanity glasses filled with this and that. I saw one filled with various sizes of makeup brushes. Brushes years and years old. But they were still in good shape because I hardly used them. I thought: why do I still have them? Of what use are they? They are just collecting dust.

It took some moments before I could trash them. I could/might start using them again. What a waste throwing them out! Such thoughts passed through my head. Then sense prevailed. I haven’t used them for at least 15 years. Why would I now? Into the garbage they went,  all 4 of them.

It was not painless. I felt uncomfortable, a sense of loss. As if a few makeup brushes could make or change life as I know it.  I think that’s why we hang onto things/thoughts/habits. We are afraid that we/life will be less without them. We are not emptying/ridding what is passé to let in new life.

I will sit here for awhile with the discomfort. I am okay. It will pass. I will go on.


About hafong

Hello! My name is (Leung) Hafong alias Lily Leung. You always say the last name first….that is the Chinese way. That is my partner lurking behind me. Since this is my blog, I won’t mention his name. But this is a rather cool picture. You see me and yet you don’t…sort of the way I feel about myself most of my life. So this blog is a self-exploration, an archeology dig of some sort. My tools…..words of a thousand or so at a sitting. I will try for that.
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