Day 96, October 28, 2016 @7:33 pm

Our October days continue to be grey and dreary.  But the solar panels are soldiering on, putting out some electricity.  I harvested probably the last of the rapini for lunch.  There is light and greenness amid all the gloom.  You can surmise that I don’t do well under the circumstances.  I might not be home free yet, but I think I’m past the most difficult stretch of days.

I’ve been ruminating about the past for the last few days, feeling regrets and sorrows about what could have been, if only I had.  My head and heart really hurt from all that.  And I have to let it all go.  There’s no shame really.  I am but human.  We are built to wonder, doubt, regret and mourn for what we think we have erred and lost.  It’s only right that I do acknowledge those feelings.  But then to let them go.

In this year of trying to do different, I am keener of the tricks of life, of my and others foibles.  I am trying to learn to be let go a little more, to be kinder to myself and others.  I am trying to learn about forgiveness – what is it and is it possible. Difficult tasks but at least I have them in my awareness.  I am not sleep walking through my journey.