I think I have had too many glasses of wine. I am not feeling myself on this 43rd day into Lent. I am feeling rather angry, ticked off.
Making progress in becoming enlightened is a hard task. I am no Buddha but I do try hard. I have no Bodhi tree to sit under. But I do have a snow pile to clear. I am learning to use my bad energy to do good things. Today I have cleared a wide path all the way in front of the house. Now, there’s less worry about melting snow doing damage to the foundation.
I have not lost any of my excess weight yet, though I have stepped on the scale a few times. Getting slimmer is not easy or simple. I am walking Sheba twice a day. I am not really thrilled about it, but I do it anyways. As soon as we start out, I want to come back and hit the couch already. I talk myself into one block, then another block, and another. I have to train myself into liking something. I have to train myself into good habits.
I threw out my drawer full of old ugly, utilitarian bras today….finally. Funny how that is. Even though I’ve brought 4 nice new ones and 6 really pretty vibrant camisoles, it was still difficult to toss those ugly old bras. Attachment? What was I attached to – things of no use and no longer desirable. So what other undesirables are still lurking in my drawers and closet? What yukkies are hidden in my head?
Well, it is getting late. I am scare of the dark. I am scare of my shadow. Best wait for sunlight before digging further. I might have to stick with digging snow for awhile till I am stronger. And I will – get stronger. I trust the God in me.
onethousandandtwo 
Love your post, I understand your struggles to express, come out of your shell so-to-speak. Our practicality and frugality keeps things because we hate wasting. When one has been frugal all of one’s life, it is difficult throwing things away. If they are good and re-usable, giving to charity is nice for others who may not have extra income to buy new. The wonderful thing of letting go of the old clothes, is one really does somewhat renew oneself. Weight, I have found getting a digital scale, and weighing every morning after emptying the waste from my body, then logging weight onto calendar. I keep track of what I eat in the sense that I know that sweet, carbohydrates, too much fruit, etc. put on weight, so my system of reducing fat body weight is to begin reducing the portions of those things that make me fat. Keep in mind 5 pound goals, at work by cutting portions until you begin seeing weight loss on the scale even if it is an overnight 6 ounces. Try to keep that off, by continuing the smaller portions, and so forth. In a year I lost 20 lbs. and I can now fit comfortably in a size 6-8 pant (as you know manufacturers vary). The reward is greater self esteem. You will find that as you continue to lose weight through portion reduction and maybe simply not eating foods that you know put the weight back on and keep your daily weight diary, your self-esteem and communications will be transformed. Reward yourself with a few new outfits that you really feel good in. Refuse to wear clothing that you feel rotten in, they do nothing for a healthy self-esteem!!!!
You do have the Buddha within. Buddha is mind. Your life is your meditation. Therefore the words you use about yourself must be upgraded!!!!! Always focus on your wonderful Chinese beauty and the beauty of the Chinese ancestry and history. How wonderful to be such a beautiful Chinese woman within and and physically!!!!!!! Your Chinese beauty speaks for itself in my eyes!!!!!
Very good advice! Thank you.
Glad you liked “nose trouble,” Lily. Thanks and best to you.