At some point a person have to just stop with the worrying, fussing and carrying on. Do the best you can and live. Life can kill you sometimes and you don’t want to add to that. I’ve come to that crossroad. The other evening I got hit with a sudden episode of feeling so bad. I don’t know how else to describe it. I didn’t know how to alleviate it so I threw myself into bed even though it was only 9:30. Mercifully I fell asleep PDQ.

The bad feeling was gone in the morning. I remembered though it was bad enough for me to think, I want to die. It was a bit disconcerting at first. I puzzled over it over my morning cup of tea. Then I remembered my mother saying she wanted to die in the hospital after she had surgery for her broken hip. I think it is my mother’s suffering I felt in my own body. She came to prod me to get on with things. I need not suffer like she had. I still have work to do and a life to live. There are no excuses for not doing either.

So I am giving myself a shake, rattle and roll. I am pulling up my socks and give everything another once over and see what I can do. I need not worry about being bored and not enough to do. I have bitter melons and cucumbers coming out of my ears. Yesterday I blanched and frozen a bunch of bitter melons. For lunch today I made soup out of leftover turkey, cucumbers, last years carrots, celery and barley. I still have a pail of cucumbers. I’ve been meaning to make some refrigerator pickles for days. Meaning to does not quite get the job done. So I might just get to it soon. I also have celery coming out of my ears. I have alot to do. I can’t afford to feel bad. I better snap out of it and get into the pickle.