These days anything and everything are the hardest thing. Remembering that I have gone through these sentiments, I do not worry or struggle against the tide too much. I aim for just putting one foot in front of the other and not sit too long in one spot. At the end of this day I do not feel as if I’ve accomplished much. But who is counting anyways?
I did returned my overdued books, gased up my car, bought some Chinese Mandarin oranges at the Co-op and did my morning walk at the Center Mall. I had to wrestled some with going out to do these things. They weren’t difficult once I got out the door. Sometimes I do wonder what is the problem. Why are we made this way? There’s suffering involved when I have to wrestled against my nature.
The most hardest thing to do today was cleaning the goldfish bowl. It is really my own fault for creating work for myself. Wanting to see if I could winter over a water hyacinth, I added 2 goldfish. Who knew that goldfish could be so complicated and so much work? Now, almost 2 months in, I still have my original goldfish. I’ve tried to get it another bowl mate, the mate did not last long and went belly up one morning after a week. It was feisty and healthy the night before. Upon some research, I think it was bullied and stressed out by goldfish number 1. I think that’s what happened to the previous one, too.
I’ve stopped feeling guilty about being abusive towards my aggressive goldfish. I don’t worry about it being lonely anymore. I feed it, siphon up its poop and change the water once a week. I added a tiny peace lily in the rocks. If everyone survives, I will rehouse them in a big tub outside in the summer or late spring. What more can I do?
That was yesterday. Obviously the hardest thing was to finish writing this post. Sometimes the hardest things can be things that I do enjoy. Even though I’ve bought some new paints, I can’t paint yet. The newbies are still sitting on my diningroom table. Reading can be and is also the hardest thing now. I haven’t had enough concentration to finish reading a book for a long time. I’ve left C. S. Lewis’s Surprised by Joy and Wayne Dyer’s Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life unfinished. Perhaps I should change my thoughts about hard things. What do you think?
