The weather is rather dippy lately. From yesterday’s cool and cloudy, it’s turned sunny and quite warm. The greenhouse is hot. I had to open a vent. I left a small box of young seedlings on the rock wall. They were getting a bit dried and withered. Lucky I caught a sight of them and brought them down where it’s cooler. They are fine after a big drink.

I wish I could say the same thing for myself. I’m feeling rather stoned and wooden from not sleeping last night. I was fretting about my tax returns. It’s a bit of a problem, having neglected something not just one year but a few. There’s always a fix. It is always not simple. I always want to fix it right off and I always can’t. So here I sit, trying to tap out my angst. It doesn’t easily go. I’m doing the best I can.

This morning I attended the funeral mass for my friend’s mother. The music and hymns were beautiful and filled the cathedral and I was stirred. I felt angels among us. It’s been a long times since I’ve attended mass. I couldn’t help but think of my own mother’s funeral a year and a half ago. I really have no words for my feelings or thoughts. There shall not be any.

I’ve been watching lots of movies about WW11 lately. Last night we watched To End All Wars. It’s based on a true story. What I like about war movies is that war brings out the best and worse of us. It is worth watching but the violence is so brutal as all wars are. It makes me feel hopeful to see how some of us can rise up regardless of how bad the world can look. I need to feel hopeful.