A cloudy misty January 28th. Only -18℃. Almost tropical weather for us northern snowbirds. My head feels a bit like pillow stuffings. I had one of those sleepless nights, not terribly restless but not restful either. I probably slept too much the other night. Didn’t go to the gym yesterday either. Then there’s all that thinking and ruminating. I was never any good at solving human problems. I was never any good at communications. I was never good at being open and clear. I hate hurting people’s feelings. I end up hurting my own. I think I am what you would call a self-suffering fool.
You know what they say about fools. They keep doing the same thing, expecting a different outcome. I’m guilty of that. I’ve been trying to unbecome myself for a long time with no luck. I’ve read Joe Dispenza’s Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself a couple of times. I’m still the same self-suffering fool. Knowledge without real work does not create long lasting change. So I continue to experience these episodes of suffering and sleepless nights. I guess it’s not a bad thing. It wakes me up. I need to change my ways. I need to stop doing the same old, same old. I have to shake things up a little. Discomfort for everyone can be illuminating.
onethousandandtwo 
Lily, I know I’ve said it before, I think you’re being very hard on yourself. You try hard, and I’d like you to pat yourself on the shoulder for taking care of your vegetables, baking home-made bread, going to the gym (sometimes), looking after your dad, showing up here every day…
Thanks so much, Tamara. Trying! Got the toilet scrubbed.
I just left a comment and I am not sure if it went through. The screen blanked out. I was saying how I have always loved your writing. That it is beautiful, raw, and real. I haven’t had a chance to read a lot of your posts this blog challenge. I think we posted at different times. I even have missed some days here and there. Please don’t be so hard on yourself. You show up and do your best each day. Sending you hugs.
Thanks, Jen. I haven’t been able to show up every day either. So I’m putting in more effort since we’re almost at the end. You’re doing fine. You’re working and I’m retired and also tired.