Yesterday was a hard day. I finished reading What My Father and I Don’t Talk About. It was a great read of 16 writers’ essays on their fathers. However, it left me feeling more melancholic than usual. I would still like to read What My Mother and I Don’t Talk About though we had talked plenty. I am sure that she had not told me everything. Now, I can’t ask her. I am still travelling in the landscape of the bereaved. Some days are harder than others. The heat and humidity made it harder yesterday. I know that life goes on no matter how I feel. The world still spins on its axis. The sun still rise and set each day. And so must I – rise to the challenges of living and then rest when tired.
I took my father out for lunch yesterday. I didn’t realize it was Canada Day but it worked out well. At least I can say that’s how I celebrated our country’s birthday when people ask. I’m not big on celebrations. I am a true humbug. I think that came from being an immigrate child of immigrants. We were poor starting out in this country. We didn’t celebrate birthdays, Christmas, New Year, Easter, and Thanksgiving like everybody else. On Canada Day, we didn’t join in the town’s festivities. So I do think that as a child, I must have felt left out, odd, not belonging, etc. etc.
I tried hard yesterday not to languish in my melancholia. I tackled 2 bags of my mother’s clothes laying dormant on the basement floor. It wasn’t too bad, not worsening my mood. The clothes stirred up some good and happy memories of mom in her younger years. Now, I see her vibrant and happy in my mind’s eye. For me, sorting the 2 bags was a big accomplishment and enough for one day.
Today, I am feeling better. The heat is still on but there’s not the humidity/heaviness weighing me down. There is a breeze. I am okay. I went to the gym this morning. Worked the weights. Worked on skipping techniques. Worked on hula hooping. I can talk and hula at the same time. Now to hula while walking. That’s another thing. So meanwhile I am working on feeling social and feeling good. I’m going to sock it to life.
PS. I am also working on the Ultimate Blog Challenge.
onethousandandtwo 
Melancholy is an awful feeling, isn’t it? Getting up and being active, even just going outside in the fresh air helps. And I agree, ugh, the heat lately, makes it difficult to do that. I used to hula hoop for exercise in the spring and summer. I loved it.
Thank you for reading, Patricia. I’m new to hula and still learning. But it’s fun.
I was in the gym, too, this morning, working with weights and doing core exercises. Yes, I agree that exercise helps to deal with the melancholy. I got in a good walk today, and that helped, too. Early in the morning is a great time to walk, before it gets hot.
Thanks, Alice. We seem to have a lot in common. It’s nice.
Thank you for sharing this. While I have yet to experience grief at this level, I can certainly understand the melancholy feeling. I’m proud of you for getting up today, exercising, writing, and bringing some happier memories of your mom to mind. – XO, Elisa
Thank you, Elisa. Nice to have you doing the UBC.
I once heard that grief can last up to two years. That seems like a long time. My dad has been gone 2 1/2 now and I still find myself in melancholy periods – and usually it takes me a bit to figure out where it’s coming from.
Sometimes I almost feel like my ‘normal’ self. And then I droop. I can’t really collapse since I have my father to look out for. I’m managing most days.
You mention you are not sure that your mother had not told you “everything” – maybe her clothes had a message for you? For what it’s worth you obviously felt lighter after sorting through them?
And look at you showing up at UBC every day and being strong and courageous at the gym, I can only applaud you!