Don’t you just hate it when you wake up in the middle of the night and can’t get back to sleep? That’s my beef today. It catches me now and again. I didn’t sweat it but tried to stay loose and relaxed. It didn’t help though. Instead of laying there with recurring the same thoughts and feelings, I got up and made myself a cup of tea. The sunroom was lit enough from the neighbour’s over the door garage light. I didn’t need to turn any lights on. It created a perfect ambience to sit and sip tea at 3:30 in the morning. And with Caroline Myss talking to me about Sacred Contracts through my earphones, I was lulled back to sleep.
I was jarred a dream by a dream. In my dream I couldn’t shut Caroline Myss up though I had taken out my earphone. I woke up with her voice still in my ears. Of course my buds were still in. Though my sleep was interrupted and broken, I didn’t feel too, too bad. I know I am in a bit of a mood. I felt it coming the last few days. Maybe it is the heat. I like to blame my moods on the weather. I don’t want ownership of them but I am trying to turn over a new leaf. I would really like to throw a tantrum, stomp my feet and say, It’s not fair! But who the hell would listen or care? In essence I have been doing that for a long, long time. Did it help? Nada! It’s about time I grow up, get with it and change. It’s never too late. It’s not over till it’s over. There’s still time, inches if not miles to improve.
I hate to whine but it does help to verbalize. I am not casting blame or expecting help. Besides, when I do need/want help, usually nobody is home. I’m always here for me. It’s a relief to let it out/go. It’s a heavy weight to keep everything inside. I have no facade to uphold. I don’t mind sharing thoughts and feelings. It might help another. We just don’t know. Mostly I’m just trying to help myself. So I’ve been in a mood. I’ve made a note of it and asked myself, What are you going to do about it? The answer is, nothing.
Most of the time there is nothing to be done but to ride it out. Eventually things will work out. They always do. Nothing stays static. My mood will pass. I will sleep again. Tomorrow is a new day.