I’ve come to look at negative emotions in a different light. Instead of working so damn hard not to have them, I’m taking them in stride and using them to my benefit. How can that be? you ask. Well let me tell you. First and most important of all, I’ve been a total failure at squishing myself to keep all those bad feelings inside. Inevitably, they leak out. Worse, they sometimes explode, causing irreparable damage. People will not say much. They will just have THAT look. All the judgements and blame are there. I know IT.
What do I do now? I have tried to be cool as a cucumber many times. You know that NEVER works for me. I’m more like a chili pepper. I am a Hot Head. If you’re really my friend, you would know that. You would be a little forgiving. You would know that I’m a little forgiving of your mishaps also. If we’re friends I would tell you my newly acquired secret weapons, what I do when the devil tries to make me do/say stuff that I wouldn’t say/do when I’m in my right mind. The thing that works the least is trying to keep my lips sealed. I’m a talker, just like my dog, Sheba. Our bark is worse than our bite. We don’t bite – much.
The thing that works the best is putting all that fire into action. I like to WORK IT, whatever is at hand. Just now, I put it into washing the bathroom floor. I can’t stand scrubbing that little patch of linoleum. I put all my mire and muscle into it. Take this! Pow! And that! Another pow. Amazing how fast I can when I’m feeling pissed, blue or both. Sometimes I feel pissed at feeling blue. Now both moods are cleaned/scrubbed out. No danger of an explosion. I get to tell you about it. But if you were my friend, I wouldn’t have to tell you. You would know.
I have a few other secret weapons but they’re the real ones, the ones I don’t tell. If we get to be real friends, maybe you can work my lips loose. I really don’t want to spill out because then their effectiveness will be lost.