I’ve let go of some of my routine and habits. Seemed like a good idea at the time. I thought I would relax a little and ‘let go’. I’ve let go too much. I’m having trouble getting my discipline back. It’s time to walk my furry baby but I don’t want to do that either. I must. It’s her birthday. She got her birthday chew. I can’t deprive her of her walk. Guilt will get me going – after I finish my tea. Heavy big sigh.
How did I get to this spot? It’s like pulling teeth getting things done. The arthritis in my left hand is not helping. It’s almost 4 months now. Some days it is not bad. Then it’s not good the last 2 days. My ring finger is swollen and bent. I spend moments straightening and massaging it. Otherwise, it would seize up and I would have to snap it open. Ouch! Ah, I better take a tylenol. Time to take Sheba out.
I tanked out after Sheba’s birthday walk yesterday. My discipline has gone to the dogs. Not a good thing. Real life happens. I don’t want it to go on for much longer. It doesn’t feel good, this lethargy. I feel as if I’ve lost all ambition and resolve. I feel as if I’ve lost purpose. I want to say, What is the point? The world is on the brink of destruction. The fires burn on. Violence continues. We are a selfish specie. We only care about the me, I and myself. We only care about money and stuff.
Clearly one thing I need to change is my self talk and my vocabulary. I am thinking and talking myself into a blue streak. I have to keep some blinds open and let natural light in. Maybe I can paint some blue skies to counter the clouds and smoke. Real life sucks sometimes but that’s life. I must be doing some things right. I am not behind with life. My bills are paid up. My car is serviced. Doctor and dental checkups done. I have family and a few friends. I have some junk cluttering my surfaces but nothing that would shock your socks off if you pay me an unexpected visit.
By my own accounts, I must be doing okay. I went to my exercise class this morning. I can still talk and interact with people. Somebody gave me some rhubarb muffins. Another some cucumbers. I harvested 2 more spaghetti squash from the raised garden bed. I already have 5 in the basement. I made lunch. Dishes are not done but soaking. I think I’m just going through a life bump. I’ll be back to ‘normal’ in a bit. No worries.
7 thoughts on “HASH TAG – REAL LIFE HAPPENS”
Lily, I’m sincerely sorry to read you are still in a difficult place in your life. You mention that you’ve lost purpose. I’m sure it’s not easy to face the day without it. Here’s a thought: Purpose doesn’t have to mean saving the world, it can be the simplest notion. The good news is, purpose can be found. I hope you can find it soon. Best wishes. Des
Thank you, Des. It’s another smoky morning from the forest fires. It makes things a little harder but I’m grateful I’m not in the fire zone. I’m trying to recoup purpose and joy. That will be my purpose for now.
Nope, the smoke doesn’t really help my attitude either. I needed to get out so I rode my bike uphill for 45 minutes regardless. I took a side trail down and got back in 15 minutes! I had a blast and felt like a kid again. Breathing that smoke in was probably worse than smoking two packs of cigarettes, but it still felt fantastic (cough, cough)! Des
You got great heart. Giving you a high five.
It can be hard to overcome a “bump” where joy leaves your life, and being in pain makes it that much worse. The wildfires have been a terrible thing. You are actually experiencing a lot right now; I know you will be kind to yourself.
Thank you, Alana.
I hope your life bump passes soon and you begin to find happiness in the smallest of things. ❤