HASH TAG – REAL LIFE HAPPENS

I’ve let go of some of my routine and habits. Seemed like a good idea at the time. I thought I would relax a little and ‘let go’. I’ve let go too much. I’m having trouble getting my discipline back. It’s time to walk my furry baby but I don’t want to do that either. I must. It’s her birthday. She got her birthday chew. I can’t deprive her of her walk. Guilt will get me going – after I finish my tea. Heavy big sigh.

How did I get to this spot? It’s like pulling teeth getting things done. The arthritis in my left hand is not helping. It’s almost 4 months now. Some days it is not bad. Then it’s not good the last 2 days. My ring finger is swollen and bent. I spend moments straightening and massaging it. Otherwise, it would seize up and I would have to snap it open. Ouch! Ah, I better take a tylenol. Time to take Sheba out.


I tanked out after Sheba’s birthday walk yesterday. My discipline has gone to the dogs. Not a good thing. Real life happens. I don’t want it to go on for much longer. It doesn’t feel good, this lethargy. I feel as if I’ve lost all ambition and resolve. I feel as if I’ve lost purpose. I want to say, What is the point? The world is on the brink of destruction. The fires burn on. Violence continues. We are a selfish specie. We only care about the me, I and myself. We only care about money and stuff.

Clearly one thing I need to change is my self talk and my vocabulary. I am thinking and talking myself into a blue streak. I have to keep some blinds open and let natural light in. Maybe I can paint some blue skies to counter the clouds and smoke. Real life sucks sometimes but that’s life. I must be doing some things right. I am not behind with life. My bills are paid up. My car is serviced. Doctor and dental checkups done. I have family and a few friends. I have some junk cluttering my surfaces but nothing that would shock your socks off if you pay me an unexpected visit.

By my own accounts, I must be doing okay. I went to my exercise class this morning. I can still talk and interact with people. Somebody gave me some rhubarb muffins. Another some cucumbers. I harvested 2 more spaghetti squash from the raised garden bed. I already have 5 in the basement. I made lunch. Dishes are not done but soaking. I think I’m just going through a life bump. I’ll be back to ‘normal’ in a bit. No worries.

 

About hafong

Hello! My name is (Leung) Hafong alias Lily Leung. You always say the last name first….that is the Chinese way. That is my partner lurking behind me. Since this is my blog, I won’t mention his name. But this is a rather cool picture. You see me and yet you don’t…sort of the way I feel about myself most of my life. So this blog is a self-exploration, an archeology dig of some sort. My tools…..words of a thousand or so at a sitting. I will try for that.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to HASH TAG – REAL LIFE HAPPENS

  1. Des says:

    Lily, I’m sincerely sorry to read you are still in a difficult place in your life. You mention that you’ve lost purpose. I’m sure it’s not easy to face the day without it. Here’s a thought: Purpose doesn’t have to mean saving the world, it can be the simplest notion. The good news is, purpose can be found. I hope you can find it soon. Best wishes. Des

    • hafong says:

      Thank you, Des. It’s another smoky morning from the forest fires. It makes things a little harder but I’m grateful I’m not in the fire zone. I’m trying to recoup purpose and joy. That will be my purpose for now.

      Lily

      • Des says:

        Nope, the smoke doesn’t really help my attitude either. I needed to get out so I rode my bike uphill for 45 minutes regardless. I took a side trail down and got back in 15 minutes! I had a blast and felt like a kid again. Breathing that smoke in was probably worse than smoking two packs of cigarettes, but it still felt fantastic (cough, cough)! Des

      • hafong says:

        You got great heart. Giving you a high five.

        Lily

  2. It can be hard to overcome a “bump” where joy leaves your life, and being in pain makes it that much worse. The wildfires have been a terrible thing. You are actually experiencing a lot right now; I know you will be kind to yourself.

  3. I hope your life bump passes soon and you begin to find happiness in the smallest of things. ❤

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.