I very seldom sit in silence unless I’m reading a book. So let me clarify and say I’m seldom unengaged. I’m always listening, reading or watching something. My head is full of stuff – noise, news, gossip, emotions. Yes, I have to say I process feelings up there, too. Feelings invade my whole body. Dissatisfaction and envy makes me feel bad all over. Have you experienced it? It’s difficult to explain. I don’t really like to talk about it except here, where I can just mutter and tap without interruption or judgement.
I like to think I’m just going through seasonal and daily moods. I like to think I’m like everyone else. It’s not bad to have dissatisfactions and envy. I’m just being human. And isn’t it good that I have outlets? I get to spit out all this garbage on the page. I’m not poisoning myself holding it in and no one has to listen. Then I move on.
It’s another day. I have moved on. It’s another glorious sunny afternoon. Sheba and I will have another saunter in the park. Maybe we will find a few dogs to romp with. It’s good by ourselves, too. I like the peace and quiet of yesterday. Not too many souls about. It was mostly us and God. I got to commune with him on the mount in the crispness of the winter, under the blue of the sky. I heard and felt his presence. I AM HERE. Do not be afraid.
I believe him. We have communed in another time, another place. He has led me out of the shadow into the light. I am thankful for this opportunity and time in the desert. I can lay aside my thoughts, doubts, and fears. I will dwell in the wisdom of silence and nonjudgement. I will listen to the knowledge laden air. I will be patient and hold my tongue. My kingdom lies in the silence.