Tomorrow will be 3 weeks since my mother left this earth. I’m not sure it feels real yet. When I wake in the morning, I feel a vacuum in my heart. It leaves me breathless, grasping at straws. How does one fill the space? How is one suppose to proceed? Not having a handbook to go by, I have to find my own way.

I proceed as usual, according to my motto by Regina Brett – No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up. It’s a good way to start the day. Since I am not one for punishment, I’m working on ways to comfort and ease myself through this period of mourning. I find it restful to sit with my cuppa in silence and the morning darkness. Then I went through the 18 movements of a qigong practice I had started years ago. They’ve been neglected for a long while. They came back after a couple of days. Pain and suffering called them back.

Sometimes it is hard to go out in the world. I am unsure and jittery just stepping out of the house. I do it anyways. It is hard backing the car out of the garage. It is hard to drive it anywhere. My nerves are raw. I talk them down. My senses are altered. I take it slower. But it is good for me to venture forth this morning, to meet my dear friends for breakfast. They are the glue that holds me together.

My guy is the other glue. We went to see an art exhibit in the afternoon. It would be hard for me to navigate a crowd on my own. The art collection was by my art instructor. Her work is beautiful. She’s so talented and such a good teacher. She’s also very warm, kind and generous. The show was at the art store where we feel a small part of its community. It was all good for my soul.