A beautiful Sunday morning. My mind is in a bit of a tizzy with a messy floating list of things to do. I did not take time for my meditation. I thought I would save time. I slept in a little later than my usual 6 am. I was rewatching Schindler’s List on Netflix last night. Each time I watch a movie about the Holocaust, I’m more horrified by the evil and cruelty we human beings are capable of. In Schindler’s List, both the evil and the good are shown. Oskar Schindler was a flawed man, but the war brought out the hero in him. I needed to see that it is possible.
I’m trying my best not to be triggered by the woman next door. It is damn hard. I’ve just looked up from my tapping and what do I see? Her man friend from across the street up her tree, the one who helps her with her nastiness. He wasn’t that way before he hooked up with her. He used to smile and wave at Sheba and me on our walks. So I take a deep breath, releasing my own bad energy. I need to focus on my own power, confidence and boundaries. I close my blinds.
Of course when you try to avoid something, it becomes all that much harder. I’ve been to the store and back, to my mother’s and back. I’m watering and weeding my raised beds in the front. I see that she has watered those little spruce trees she planted right next to my raised bed – 9 inches from her driveway. Who does that? I’m triggered again. I’m pissed. I gave them a few squirts of water myself. I hope that they will grow huge, over her precious driveway, scratching her car. I know that’s not the right way to feel or to think. But I am a flawed woman. I try to get the triggers out of my mind. Roy Rogers and his horse, Trigger came to mind. I will try to hold that in my mind’s eye when I encounter that woman. It is a much better picture. I can learn to be heroic like Oskar Schindler. Maybe just a little.
So ends day 4 for the Ultimate Blog Challenge. Still a day behind. Heavy big sigh.