Life is messy. My house is messy. My head is messy. That’s how they feel to me. There’s a correlation between it all. I don’t know how to clean them up. I don’t know where to begin. I’m a little antsy. I’m a little stressed. I got a yen for something sweet. So I ate 2 little Coffee Crisp bars left from Hallowe’en. They’re very little. I’m having a green tea to counteract them. I know it’s faulty rationale but it is the best I can come up with.

I did enjoy the chocolate bars immensely. Sometimes I just have to indulge. I might as well get pleasure and not guilt from doing it. I did this the other day. I’ve just done it again today. I am feeling annoyed with everything in my universe lately. It’s just a feeling I’m not sure I’m entitled to. It helps me to tap about it. It helps to do something else besides obsessing about it. Nothing changes without action.

It’s about a week now since I wrote those words. It’s another Saturday – still my favourite day of the week. I haven’t fallen off my swimming wagon. I was late but I still showed up. I got in 16 lengths, in 30 minutes, 4 short of my usual 20. I was impressed with myself, feeling powerful. Not only that, yesterday I jumped up on 3 risers after our exercise class was over.  Not long ago I was afraid to jump on just the platform without any risers. Every little extra thing I can do beyond myself gives me a little boost. It’s a good reason to indulge in an A&W whole enchilada breakfast.

My goal now is to get to the pool on time Saturday mornings and go for 22 lengths. I will practice a little while on jumping 3 risers till I gain enough confidence. Then I will try for 4 risers. It’s really mickey mouse when you look at this guy.


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