November 13, 2018  9:52 am

I have wasted a bunch of time scrolling through this and that in search of products and answers. I was caught up in the number of choices that we have at our fingertips. It is a burden rather than a freedom. Now I’m left with a bunch of information running amuck in my head. They’re like gerbils on treadmills in their cages. I’m much like them, a slave to my human nature.

At least it is still morning. The sun is shining. I’ve dug out a jar of soup from the freezer. It’s defrosting in a pot of hot water. I will tap out a few more sentences and leave my frenzied thoughts on the page. There’s the routine of vacuuming and dusting to do. It settles and grounds me for the day. Having a clean floor without all Sheba’s hair makes me feel so much better. It’s as if I am clearing the debris and cobwebs in my head.

I’ve been tackling the dust in one room/day. Amazing how much there is when I pay attention. Amazing how clean the air is when I do. There has been much that I’ve avoided to do. It’s as if I am afraid to move/change anything. I worry that things would never be the same again.  These feelings have been beneath my consciousness though they do weigh on me. I now know the meaning of ‘There’s an elephant in the room.”  I really do have lots of elephants in my living room. They sit heavy on my mind. I clear my mind and air every time I dust them now. I try to let go of the fear of change. It’s what I need – change for the better.

4:41 pm

I’m just having a cuppa before taking the fur baby out for her walk. I treated myself with toast and jam. Yup, it’s the comfort rather than the hunger thing. I’m feeling the weight of being a child of immigrants. It makes me feel like my parents’ keepers, they being poor speakers of English and understanding less. Things tend to fall on me, the eldest child, not that I’m a child anymore. My shoulders are not wide nor strong but I manage most of the time. Sometimes I need the toast and jam to give me a little extra support.

I’m not complaining, just saying. I’m faring well, having dusted my computer screens and desktop. I can see what I’m tapping now. I’ve been out and about mailing letters, returning library books and to London Drugs.  I dropped off dead batteries, bought a memory stick and Nellie’s Dishwasher powder. I was impressed with Nellie’s laundry soda. No scent, eco-friendly and effective. I am passionate about doing what I can to save our planet. It’s nice to know that I still care about something.