Day 74, October 4, 2016 @10:00 am

Mornings are still dark at 7 am.  I’m slow at rising.  I’m slow at putting on my morning face and coming to the keyboard.  I diddle and daddle.  Finally I put on makeup, earrings.  I put on a pink sweater I haven’t worn in a coon’s age and some reasonable pants. Why do I wear the same ratty old clothes day in and day out when my closet is brimming with stuff?  Why don’t I wear a smile more often?  The answers could be as simple as habit and laziness.  It takes more energy to make choices than to go on auto pilot.  My habit has been to grab and don.

Habits and feelings have a habit of seeping back.  This morning I am quite aware of it.  I’m squirming with the discomfort of it all.  I pace, picking up a Kleenex and a napkin left here and there.  I gather some laundry to take downstairs to do. Remembering I haven’t checked the clutter in the basement for a few day, I cleared and discarded a few items.  When I can’t do big, I do little has become my mantra.

I’m finally here though, tapping on my keyboard.  The click, click beneath my fingertips are rhythmic and soothing.  Thoughts come and feelings come.  I’m pushing through the gloom and the mundane of this morning.  I see my glass/day full instead of empty.  I’m romancing myself with each tap, tap of the keyboard. I’m creating new thoughts, new habits and new views.  I’m telling a different story. What stories are you telling?