Day 63 – 65, September 25, 2016 @4:57 pm

Challenges are difficult amid fatigue and pain.  Sometimes I wonder if I’m lazy.  Am I using it as a excuse.  Other times, I wonder if I have fibromyalagia and/or chronic fatigue.  Or is it from my sinus anomoly? Does it matter what it is called or if it is diagnosed?  It is all the same symptons.  It adds up to feeling fatigued, pained and generally lousy.  I’ve had bouts of these since early adulthood.  I’ve survived and learned to cope.

It has improved. Maybe I’m living healthier.  I’m certainly getting more sleep and exercise.  I have a dog.  I do yoga, qigong and meditation off and on.  I guess everything counts.  Still, there are days when – I want to throw myself into bed with fatigue.  The pain is the gnawing kind through the whole body and I feel heavy as lead.  These are the tough days when it is hard even to think of walking the dog.  I’m thinking I’m making my life harder by having one.  What was I thinking?  And a Lab/Border Collie at that!

Well, I have a dog.  She demands to be walked every day.  I put a collar and leash on her and running shoes on me. Off we go, one foot in front of the other at a slow steady pace.  I don’t feel any more pain.  I don’t feel any less pain.  Another walk.  Another day.  It’s the same coming to this space except some days I haven’t shown up.  But I am here today, covering for 3 days.

I have to admit this challenge is harder than my 100 days of art.  The more difficult part is the analyzing of how my ‘different’ made a difference and finding the words.  Some days it takes more energy than I have.  So I have chosen to write when I can instead of giving up altogether.  I will chug along to day 365. That’s how life is lived – as best as we can to the end.