I am seldom idle with nothing to do even though I feel as if I’m languishing my life away. All our technology today does not allow me a moment of nothingness. But ask me what I have accomplish in any given moment. I cannot tell you. I feel as if my attention has been kidnapped. I am held captive, pushing buttons on the phone, tapping the keyboard search of news, stories, blah, blah, blah. All the things that matters squat. I know that. Yet it is hard to stop.

It has been especially bad this past year. Having lost my mother, it is natural that I am interested in other people’s similar situations. Pretty soon there’s alot of posts in my feed from people losing their mothers. Grieving and suffering, I am naturally drawn to stories and articles on that and how people overcome their issues. So by now I have been saturated with so many stories of loss and suffering. I didn’t know there was so many weird and awful diseases, congenital defects, accidents. How is it possible to live? It is no wonder I am not a happy camper.

I remember a time when I did not have a computer or an iPhone. Now I am an owner of an iMac, iPhone, iPad and a macbook. How many macs do I really need? Back in the days, I did no googling in search of things of no importance. I ate my breakfast leisurely, listening to CBC radio. CBC was news worthy and had interesting and educational programs. The library held many books to answer my questions on gardening, cooking, sewing, the arts. It was adequate. My brain was not flooded and short circuited by a million and one trivialities like it is today.

Recovering my brain and life is what I hope for this coming year. I hear that improvements in our lives do not happen on their own. Drat! It means I have to do the work. So where to start? What pops up in my mind is mindfulness, going back to morning idleness and nothingness. It is the thing that have saved me over and over again. It should be easy to do nothing again, right?