December 6. Good evening. It is almost time to say good night. It’s still early enough. I have time to tap a few thoughts. Getting started is a bit tricky. We’ve just finished watching Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin in It’s Complicated, a romantic comedy. It’s very funny, entertaining and worth watching. An added bonus is Steve Martin. The night before, we watched him and John Candy in Planes, Trains and Automobiles – another comedy! That’s a record for me, 2 comedies back to back. They’re good for my mental health. I think that’s what I must do for this darkest month of the year.

Taking these 2 days off from my usual grind of exercise class, walks and skis have been good for me. It’s extremely cold today. The low was -37℃, the high -22℃. It’s a good day to stay home and huddle. I think I will take this whole week off. It can be a vacation, a retreat and a home spa. Who says you need to physically travel distances for it to be exciting and rewarding?

When it gets this cold, it is usually sunny. And so it was. The sunroom was so warm and beautiful in the morning, I couldn’t leave it. I just lounged and read. At times I felt I was wasting time. I endured it. The feeling passed and I started to feel like I was ‘getting back to normal’, that sense of normal when I wasn’t caught up in all the technology, of pushing ENTER and getting an immediate result. I felt I had time. I had time to think, observe and really feel all the things happening around me. I don’t want to push a button to get an immediate result. I want to do the work, one step at a time. It was a good feeling, not feeling squished, pushed for time.

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December 8. It’s almost the supper hour, if the roast would cook faster. In the space of 2 days, our temperature has risen to -12℃ from -37℃. I wonder how our bodies process the rapid rise and fall of temperatures and barometric pressures. I know I am not a happy camper with the ups and downs. With the climate change we’re experiencing, I guess I can look forward to lots of ups and downs with my physical and mental well being this winter. My radar is on red alert. I am taking care and taking it easy on myself. No need to beat myself up. The weather is doing that for me. I don’t sleep as well some nights. I can feel my bones and joints hurting more. Then there’s my mood. It can turn on a dime. There’s nothing I can do about the weather but I can change myself. Now that I am so well acquainted with myself and the weather I am in control. Here’s what I do to stay sane and alive.

• 20 minute sitting meditation with Mark Williams on YouTube in the morning.
• do stretches morning and bedtime.
• weaning myself off electronics.
• take a mini vacation from my usual routines.
• get fresh air and sunshine out of doors most days -walks/ski.
• read.
• write.
• play the piano.
• listen to music.
• cook and bake.
• do whatever makes me feel good.

There! I think that’s a pretty good list. I hope I am making sense. I find life extremely hard. I get a little wonky and down in the mouth sometimes. Depression is just a very small part of who I am. I am also made of anxiety, worry, joy, contentment, excitement….I am a kaleidscope of emotions. We all are. It’s all a matter of how to handle each and every one – and to accept them all and have no shame.