I was riding the giddy ride of a beer a short while ago. Alas, it was a short ride. One pee and it was gone. I’m back to my normal self. It was nice while it lasted. I felt so loose and relaxed, all tension gone from my body. I felt smooth and fluid. All my movements easy and unfelt. I painted 2 index cards for the Daisy Yellow Index Card a Day Challenge. Now I’m only 6 days behind.
I wish that I could be this carefree more often. For this short time, I had let go of my most serious angst. I let go of other people’s stuff and responsibilities. I wonder if I could do so more without the aid of alcohol. I will savour the feeling, tasting it with all my being. I will remember the sensation for the next time that I’m impinged with guilt and bad feelings. I will tell it to fuck off. Talking big, aren’t I? I call it talking proper. I’ve beaten myself down too much in the past. Time to kick ass.
It’s good to assume some bravado. I’m so sick of saying ‘excuse me’, ‘I’m sorry’, ‘that was ok, wasn’t it?’ I worry so much about saying a hurtful thing, breaking the law. Really I feel guilty, like a criminal. My neighbour can read me like a book. She knows exactly how to get to me, quoting bylaws, telling me she knows alot of people at city hall and the police department. That’s why she has been so successful at getting under my skin.
Hmmm. I’m getting too serious again. I’m getting obsessed with her again. Not to worry. I will be having a glass of wine soon. Don’t worry. I won’t turn into an alcoholic. One glass can do me in. So ends another post for the Ultimate Blog Challenge.