It is bloody hard every single Saturday morning to head out in the cold and dark for my weekly swim. What I know is that I always feel good after. I have been the lone swimmer all these weeks. If I don’t show up, they might cancel that time slot. So, I show up. I have gotten used having the whole pool to myself, I find myself resenting even the thought of sharing. I am tenacious and a little selfish.
That is just a little about me. I’m like a dog with a bone. I don’t let go. I don’t forgive easily. On the other hand, I have been generous with time, money and heart. I say ‘have been’ because I think I need some tempering. I overdo. It’s my dog with a bone trait. I don’t listen to myself. I don’t practice what I preach. Moderation in everything. In other words, I’m full of bullshit – and didn’t even know it.
What should I do now? The best advice I could give myself is not to rush off and do a complete makeover. Makeovers never work. Well, they might on Oprah and Super Soul Sunday. I’m just going to sit loose and not give a hoot so much. Maybe things will work out all by themselves and I will have a dream life – NOT. But, I am going to sit loose, not think, plan or do any kind of major surgery. I will listen to my forefathers and follow the Dao. It doesn’t look easy, but I will give it my best shot. My dog-with-a-bone trait will help.
onethousandandtwo 
I like a little stubbornness as a personality trait. It’s one that I have as well and definitely feel you on the having the whole pool to myself thing. Sometimes it’s good to be selfish and appreciate the moments when we get our way. 😉
Yes, it is very nice to have a selfish moment now and again. Thanks so much for reading.
Self care is never selfish.
First here’s to having that pool to yourself more than not…..I love that you feel this way because my dogs and I head out for our runs early in the morning and love having the paths just to ourselves and little traffic, etc…..You and my dog Scout would get along well- haha, dog with a bone- oh wait, that would be a bagel- a NY bagel!- watch out- nothing comes between him and his bagel! (If I tease him he will threaten my hand staying on the end of my arm- LOL! Do it your way, makeover? Do what makes you happy and only change if it comes natural to you……It works for Scout! LOL!
Why try to make yourself over? In my view, there is nothing wrong with solitude (as long as it is by choice, because loneliness is a whole other thing). So keep swimming, and perhaps the resentment is just part of the whole exercise package. Treasure that time alone!
I love it! As I understand the Dao you are perfectly doing it. It is the most playful of philosophies and into the being of things. Not worried about getting anywhere or that there is wrong in being. You are noticing your form of self, knowing there are ways that could shift your experience but not at all condemning of yourself to excess so I would say Yipee! Life is just experience and we shift when we want a different one! Love to your journey!