Thank goodness for exercise classes and puppy dogs. Otherwise, I could very well be a hermit. These cloudy November days hang heavy over me. It makes moving and everything difficult. It sounds contradictory but it also makes sitting still impossible. I would like to take a rest from everything. The old brain is thinking, thinking, thinking of things I could/should be doing. With all the electronics at hand, more time is spent checking, checking – checking this and that. It is time better spent resting, letting go of everything that is not vital. Easier said than done.

So I’m spinning my wheels thinking of how not to think so much. It’s damn exhausting but I’m going to give it my best. I always do/try my best. I always try to do the right thing though it’s often backfired on me. Because duh, what might be the right thing to me could be exactly the wrong thing to another person. I used to get angry at myself that I can’t help but still try to do the right thing. I’m having second thoughts, though. I’ve asked myself, how can I be wrong if I try my best to do the right thing?

I’m not feeling very positive and optimistic these days. Somehow I just can’t throw in my towel and walk away from what life is – a bunch of problems and struggles and alot of shit. Have you heard of the phrase, Shit happens? And no kidding! I can’t help being myself though. I have high standards and expectations. I hold myself to them and in the past – other people. Now I try to hold just myself. Really, I need a slap in the face to let go of the others. I have been slapped. I got it now.

I try not to make too many life changes on cloudy days. I will plod faithfully along the comfy well trodden path. I will not be telling exciting stories of bungee jumping in Las Vegas. That’s not to say I’m not capable of showing up at The Chapel of Love there. I’ve learned not to say never, never. Most likely though, I will be here telling the stories of Sheba, my exercise class, swimming, embroidery, painting, blah, blah, blah.

Sometimes you just never know how people really appreciate the stories we tell. Sheba is a joy to me but raising her have not been easy. She was a tough puppy to raise. There were many trials and tribulations. I talked about the good and bad to EVERYBODY – friends, family, neighbours, people in the stores, my coworkers, my patients when I was still working as a nurse. It meant alot to me when a patient told me that my Sheba stories always gave her a laugh. She was suffering  severe pain for a long while.

I take heart from kindness of people telling me they appreciate my Sheba stories. The unexpectedness of it gives me such pleasure. When you are just being yourself and not thinking you are doing anything special and someone tells you that you’ve helped, it’s priceless and makes my day. Have you made somebody’s day?

3 thoughts on “RETHINKING LIFE

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